HAM.BLOG

WOOOO

2010-04-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

I have a domain name! Where my blog will now be hosted!

http://annaham.net/

Please update your links accordingly; I am working on getting everyone's blog up on the blogroll, which may take a while (so do not worry if you do not see your name on the blogroll!)

Have You Seen My Sister "Edginess"?

2010-03-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

White privilege means that you can say shit like this "ironically" when "discussing" Lady Gaga on Twitter:

[From Amanda Palmer's Twitter feed. Text reads: "@JoanArkham ironic product placement is only ok if you take no money & beyond that give all the income to something ironic. like the Klan."]

Yes, because giving money to a group that perpetuates domestic terrorism (warning for very graphic content) toward black people is IRONIC and totally comparable to...product placement in a music video.

I look forward to people defending this ridiculousness with any number of derailing techniques and/or trying to school me in why it's not harmful and is, like, TOTALLY HILARIOUS, why can't you take a joke? It's just hip(ster) racism.

I'm not laughing.

Ending the hiatus, for now...with a cross-post!

2010-03-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

I am back, at least for now! I have some thoughts on the whole "Victorientalism" thing, mainly because I just cannot shut up about fannish issues where people are just "having a bit of fun" or using some other redonk justification for proudly flaunting their unearned privilege at the expense of others, but I will save those thoughts for a time when I am less tired. But, to sum things up: Today has been just one of many days in the past few weeks where I have exclaimed out loud, to no one in particular, "JEESUM CROW, PEOPLE, DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM RACEFAIL '09?"

Also, here is an important post by meloukhia that you should read if you are at all active in online social justice communities--and, come to think of it, fandom could probably stand to have a similar discussion. Because, yeah, this is a conversation that needs to happen, and it needs to happen sooner rather than later or not at all.

NOW: Tori Amos.

So...

2010-03-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

I am kind of out of ideas at this point, if the level of discourse we're talking about has now been brought down to going on Australian TV and saying that you've been "crucified" by a bunch of disabled feminists--while playing the "disabled feminists" part for laughs.

I can't do this "civility" and "politeness" thing anymore, at least with certain people who, quite clearly, do not give a rat's ass about displaying either of those things themselves and yet demand that I hold their hands while they continue to rationalize their own (and others') privileged behavior. I've had to explain, over and over again, in various corners of the internet, that I and my fellow feminists with disabilities--and others who have committed to discussing these issues in a mature manner--have the right to not be personally attacked, threatened, and, now, have our very existence so cavalierly made into a joke. I really can't. Apparently, to Amanda Palmer and some of her supporters, neither I nor other disabled feminists are human beings who are worthy of any respect whatsoever (or having our concerns taken seriously, heaven forbid).

I am exhausted.

ETA: I will be on an indefinite blogging HIATUS starting today. I will see you all soon, hopefully.

Just a link

2010-02-22T09:50:00.000-08:00

Who Killed Civil Discourse? Evelyn Evelyn, Marginalization, and Internet Discussion

Please comment over at FWD, as I can't really deal with multiple comment threads right now.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post; I don't have the spoons to respond to you all individually, but please know that your thoughts are appreciated!

Imbroglio a Go-Go

2010-02-17T09:14:00.000-08:00

I have a rather Zen riddle for you guys: What is the sound of a fan being told off by someone she admires?

Yeah, I don’t quite know, either. But how perfect is it that having to address this latest go-round marks my return to blogging (especially after my last post on here)? A lengthy and sordid tale, shortened: I recently posted on FWD about Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley’s side project, the musical conjoined twin-duo Evelyn Evelyn, and things happened. Some folks showed up to tell me that I should focus on more important things, some broke out tone arguments, plus some other fun stuff. Which is sort of expected in the blogosphere—and some of which I expected, since Amanda’s fans tend to be pretty loyal--but I digress.

Here’s the thing: I attempted to be extremely careful about what I included in that post and how I wrote it. And yet, I keep having this nagging feeling that people either did not read or chose to ignore my numerous mentions of my affection for Palmer’s music, preferring instead to go into all-out defense mode. As if the definition of being a fan is entirely dependent on not critiquing and/or not questioning things that you take issue with. Ultimately, if I didn’t have the love that I do for Amanda’s music, and the desire to see her do better in the whole not-appropriating-disabled-peoples’-experiences department, I would not have written the post. I would not have raised these questions. I certainly would not have alluded to the fact that she can, and has, written some great songs about people with disabilities and/or mental health conditions (“Ultima Esperanza” and “Bad Habit,” to name just two). I probably would have just ignored Evelyn Evelyn as some eccentric side-project (that I am clearly not artistic enough to understand) and continued on my little bloggerly ways.

What I wanted to get across in the post, and what I want to reiterate here, is that some of us do not have the luxury of removing certain things, or certain people, from our mental peripheries. This is a hugely important principle in many segments of social justice work. For some of us, “suffering” is part of the messy reality of life; when you have chronic pain (as I do), that’s just the way it is sometimes. I cannot choose how, when or where my pain will affect me, and “suffering” is often part of the experience of living with pain, chronic illness or disability. And you cannot separate that suffering and that pain from the legacies of ableism, privilege and exclusion that continue to affect how people with disabilities are treated by many non-disabled people. As I’ve said before, dealing with my own physical pain is often easier than dealing with peoples’ opinions, attitudes and preconceived notions about my pain or about people with disabilities as a whole. But those things still affect and reinforce each other regardless.

How great for Amanda Palmer that she can so easily remove me--and my fellow disabled feminists--from her mental periphery. She would do well to remember, however, that many of us cannot do that. That she misunderstands my and others' critiques as just "anonymous hate" is, frankly, disappointing.

Also: Lauredhel has a great post here which further expands upon why all of this is so problematic.

Note: Comments on this thread, as usual, will be moderated with an iron fist. Them's the rules. If you don't like it, you can leave, because I am done arguing with people about supposedly infringing on their precious First Amendment rights by not letting them say bigoted shit.

HIATUS.

2010-01-11T11:25:00.000-08:00

I will be taking a break from Tumblr/Twitter/public blogging for a while. CONGRATULATIONS, CERTAIN PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET. You’ve gotten rid of me, at least temporarily. I am not referring to some sort of internet-wide conspiracy to Get Rid of Annaham; that would be ridiculous and maybe a little bit narcissistic. I am, however, referring to some stuff that went down this weekend, particularly in regards to the fallout in and around this post and comment thread.

At least on my friends-locked LJ/DW, people cannot twist the words of my friends, of my community--or, ahem, twist the words that I have written, either here or on another site--in order to spread outright lies in order to advance some sort of agenda in the name of calling folks out? Or some shit? Or whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish?

Hint: Your strategy is not working.

My new strategy is to not engage with you, since y’all think personal attacks, spurious accusations of friends of mine faking their disability, erasing the identities of some of my friends, et cetera are FAIR. How would you feel if I accused you of faking your disability, or, for that matter, erased parts of your identity to fit my agenda? You’d get upset, and rightfully so.

But, you know, since the policy among some folks lately seems to be “understanding for me but not for thee,” I guess I’ll just have to bow out for now.

Please note that I am speaking for myself here and not the whole of FWD, since some people seem to have trouble distinguishing individual contributors from the whole of the site, and seem to want to hold me personally accountable for the ENTIRE site.

ETA: Modding this comments thread with an iron fist, just like most of my other comment threads.

Lines in the Sand: Daly, Showalter and Tactics of Exclusion

2010-01-09T02:02:00.000-08:00

The second-wave radical feminist theologian and professor Mary Daly died earlier this month, and there has been a veritable outpouring of eulogies from various feminist blogs.

Few of these eulogies have acknowledged Daly's transphobia and racism.

I do not deny that Daly was an important figure in second-wave feminism, but to mourn her passing without a nod to her work's more problematic aspects, or explorations of these aspects, are, to put it mildly, not good. In particular, the intense, hateful transphobia found in some of her writing, and her issues with unexamined white privilege and racism--which both QueenEmily at Questioning Transphobia and Sungold at Kittywampus cover very well in recent posts--strikes many as both deeply disturbing and an old pattern that has, and continues to, rear its grotesque head in certain segments of contemporary feminism. I include myself among those who are deeply troubled by Daly's transphobic sentiments and her questionable record when it came to examining the entrenched racism and issues surrounding white privilege in the second-wave feminist movement.

I should probably mention at this point that I do not mean to appropriate or co-opt the struggles of trans* folks in any way, although my cis privilege will most likely be unintentionally reflected at points in this piece. Though the struggles of trans* people, trans feminists and PWDs and disabled feminists are not the exact same, some exclusionary tactics of certain cisgendered feminists and those of abled feminists sometimes take similar forms, especially within the mainstream feminist movement. The oppression of trans* folks and PWDs in cis, abled culture intersect in a number of ways; this post, however, barely scratches that surface. I believe that the many issues present in Daly's work--as well as the reaction to her death around the blogosphere--can serve as just one entry point to discussions of the similarities in oppression(s) that trans* people and PWDs face. There are also clear differences, among them the fact Daly used language that can only be called genocidal, while many other feminists of her generation did not advocate such an extreme path when it came to keeping certain individuals out of feminism. I will be focusing on feminism's exclusion of trans* and PWDs as reflected in the work of two very influential second-wave feminists here, but there is, of course, much more to these stories.

Daly's penchant for exclusion and outright hatred (particularly of trans* individuals) couched in oddly phrased academic rhetoric unfortunately brings to mind another famous second-waver's similar issues with people (particularly women) with disabilities. Princeton scholar Elaine Showalter--best known for bringing feminist literary theory to the fore in the academy at a time when such a discipline was, for the most part, inconceivable--dismissed disabling conditions like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Gulf War Syndrome and mental health issues such as Dissociative Identity Disorder (referred to in the text as Multiple Personality Disorder) in her 1997 book Hystories.

In Hystories, Showalter attempted to debunk "modern media epidemics" such as the aforementioned disabilities as well as more traditionally disproven phenomena such as alien abduction and satanic ritual abuse. In the book's chapter on Chronic Fatigue, Showalter rather disingenuously declared that she did not want to “disparage the suffering” of people with such conditions only a few pages before she called CFS an extension of Western “fin de siecle [end of the century] anxiety.” She followed this stunning assertion with the claim that the Western news media was primarily responsible for making CFS into an escalating “psychogenic epidemic” (117, 131).

Like Daly's severe opinion of trans* people as dupes of the medical industry (which Kittywampus cites in her post), Showalter also seemed to be taken with the idea that people with CFS are somehow being duped into thinking that they are ill because of the media focus on their condition. She wrote that many CFS patients and their defenders are “hostile to psychiatric or social explanations” of the condition, and that many of them react in a way that is not friendly to the labeling of CFS as “psychiatric” (128). However, the reactions of these same patients make sense if considered from a non-abled perspective. Showalter also seemed completely mystified by these "hostile" reactions. If CFS is just a manifestation of "fin seicle anxiety," as she contended (adding that "emotions have tremendous power over the body") she seemed to push the conclusion--without any scientific or medical proof--that many people with CFS have somehow been brainwashed into believing they have it; thus, the media-driven "hysterical epidemic" has worked.

Nowhere are feminists with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or related conditions consulted; the not-so-feminist implication here is that feminists with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome either do not exist or are just victims of a "hysterical" media-led epidemic and therefore cannot be "real" feminists. This is similar to how trans* feminists were erased, excluded and castigated by Daly as somehow not "real" women or feminists, and as benefiting from patriarchy in a way that "real" women and feminists could not. To put it crudely: This is exclusionary bullcrap, and it does not do trans* people, people with disabilities, feminists who fit either (or both) of these categories, or the feminist movement as a whole any favors whatsoever.

Exclusion is not radical. It has never been radical. It is, in fact, extraordinarily status-quo. No one should be able to arbitrarily pick and choose who "belongs" in the feminist movement and who does not, especially if those who are being excluded because of their gender identity, sexual identity or disability actively identify as feminist. Feminism should be for a wide variety of people; exclusion, however, is something that is not--and has never been--very feminist.

Author's note: I will be moderating this thread with an iron fist; please have the courtesy to not try to tell me how Daly really was an ally to trans* folks, or how Showalter didn't mean what she said about CFS *that* way, or that either author's influence on the feminist movement somehow excuses their hatred and bigotry. Thank you.

[Originally posted at FWD//Feminists With Disabilities]

Mainstream Feminism's "Deep Thoughts" Space is My Chamber of Horrors

2010-01-04T04:01:00.001-08:00

Hello, hepkittens! I am taking a break from my self-imposed blogging hiatus (but really, when am I ever not on some sort of hiatus?) to ponder something that has been alternately confusing the crap out of me and making me pound out some half-baked ideas on Tumblr.

What is with all of the defense of the "mainstream" in the guise of contrarianism and/or special snowflake-ness that people keep popping up with as of late? I am not trying to go after any one person in particular, but it seems to me that when you're working within a social justice framework that is meant to be radical, there are things to address other than how you want to, like, listen to certain music and still call yourself a feminist. I mean, not that that is not important, but having the "courage to be cliche" is not exactly the rock that social justice movements were founded upon.

I do not mean to tell people what their feminism should be like, but it strikes me as sort of odd that some folks can write posts like this--on the "courage" that it takes to admit that you like mainstream stuff, OMG--and be apparently straight-faced about it.

Seriously: It is okay to like mainstream stuff. But don't pretend that doing so--and "reclaiming" it--is the very crux of radical, or that your justification for being "cliche" qualifies as "deep thoughts." One's "courage" in being "cliche" is a choice; some people do not have the option to, you know, fit so easily into the mainstream and call it radical.

ETA: OuyangDan has more on this.

Guest Blogging 4: This Time, It's Personal

2009-12-23T16:42:00.001-08:00

My Glass Menagerie post is up on the Bitch blog! (Lol at misspelling in the link title; I had to go back and edit the title since I hilariously spelled "blue" as "bue.")

Yes, it is basically a mash note to Laura Wingfield.

On an unrelated note, I hope everyone has a happy holiday/solstice/New Year!

Son of Guest Blogging

2009-12-18T10:01:00.001-08:00

My latest Bitch post--on Supercrip--is up!

I predict that someone will blast me for the Chris Reeve comment at the end of the third full paragraph (even though many disability activists have been taking exception to Reeve's public persona for a long time).

More Guest Blogging

2009-11-23T18:37:00.001-08:00

I have another post up on the Bitch Blog today; it's about popular songs that get disability right, for the most part. Considering that this post did not take nearly as long as the Lady Gaga one to write, I am very pleased with how it turned out.

I Can Has BitchBlog Post!

2009-11-20T05:19:00.000-08:00

I have a post up on Bitch as part of the Transcontinental Disability Choir guest blog stint! It's on Lady Gaga's video for "Paparazzi."

Please read it!

Guess What?

2009-10-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Certain Able-Bodied Bloggers Who Are Trying Soooo Hard to Stop Fucking Up,

I and other people with disabilities are not your Very Special Learning experience, no matter how much you may want to put us in that box.

As one of the original PWD blogger participants in the chat, furthermore, I'd really like it if the person who apparently believes that we are her Very Special Learning Experiences would a.) Apologize to Amandaw for breaking out the tone argument during the course of the chat (full transcript is here), and b.) attribute sources properly for the suggestions at the end of said Very Special Learning post. Part of the post makes it sound like the Feministing editors came up with the suggestions for improvement. Observe:

"The full summary of the suggestions from the group we engaged with appear after the jump. You can also see the transcript of our chat here.

And here's a quick recap of our substantive suggestions:

* A concrete statement of the site's commitment to intersectionality issues, to address what seems to be a popular feeling among commenters that the site is "Feministing, not SocialJusticeing." Whether a joint post for site authors or another mechanism turns out to be the best way to make this statement was undecided during the chat.

* Guest posts from people with disabilities focusing on a wide range of disability issues. Talks with Patty Berne had begun before these issues were raised and she may do more guest posts or potentially contribute to the site. We clarified our desire to see a wider range of issues addressed than have been in the past 2 years or so, when the only explicit focus on people with disabilities has been about performance art groups. Other potential areas to cover include political issues, health issues, employment issues, etc.

* Increased accessibility of the site itself. Miriam mentioned a current site redesign is in process, so it would be an excellent time to incorporate some increased accessibility. We suggested using this site to identify accessibility barriers and suggestions for fixes: http://wave.webaim.org/

* A clear and reliable mechanism for user flagging abusive comments and getting a response - currently it's unclear where those go, what criteria is used to determine whether it stays or not, with no feedback on criteria. We have noticed that the "report abuse" button now seems to direct emails to the author of the original post, rather than a general email. Miriam also mentioned plans to focus more on comment moderation, including creating a community editor/moderator position and incorporating community members in comment moderation.

* Current and updated contact information for all authors."

You call these YOUR substantive suggestions? These were OUR suggestions, and were not properly attributed to an email sent to the group by abbyjean, who was the organizer/official organizational muscle on our side of the chat.

The mis-attribution could have been a (big) typo, but on the other hand, given what went down in the chat, I am strongly adverse to giving certain folks the benefit of the doubt for any longer.

Oh, one more thing, Certain Able-Bodied Bloggers: IT'S. NOT. ALL. ABOUT. YOU.

Take from this statement what you will.

[I am speaking for myself here, and not as a representative of FWD//Feminists With Disabilities.]

ETA: The irony is killing me. The mere fact that a certain someone can break out the "tone" argument and then, in all seriousness, post something like the above--emotions for me, but not for thee--is truly stunning.

IIB v 1.0

2009-10-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

Note: This is a revised version of a bingo card that I made some time ago. I will be moderating the crap out of this thread, meaning that I will expect comments to follow the comments policy to the letter.

While I don't feel like I should be required to justify the lowermost right square, there was some confusion and pretty ooky pushback when I posted version 1 on my own blog. I'll explain that square anyway, for CMA purposes: I am aware that pot works for many people with chronic pain, and personally have no issue if people other than myself use it. I'm an advocate of finding what works for you; whether it's a pill, plant, pilates-esque routine, or something else, your course of pain management should be your choice.

What I am referring to with this bingo card -- as a whole -- is the commonplace, rather irritating tendency of some able-bodied people to suggest -- without knowing about the medical history of (or, indeed, much about) the person they are "trying to help" -- remedies or treatments that may be totally inappropriate for that person, due to various (personal) reasons. In short, what works for you may not work for me, and vice versa; how I wish I could have articulated this to the folks who have "helpfully suggested" that I smoke pot or obtain other illegal "meds" to help with my pain!

Okay, explanatory note/rant over. Onto the bingo card! I hope you all have your chips ready.

Also, special thanks to Ouyang for suggesting the "Diet and Exercise!!1" free space.

annaham-iibv1

Text translation: card has white text on a black background. Title (in white) reads, “annaham presents: Invisible Illness Bingo 1.0,” followed by “Now With Straighter Lines” in red:

First Row, Square #1: All that’s keeping you from being healthy is a positive attitude!

First Row, Square #2: My ex/friend/co-worker had that, but he/she was just a hypochondriac.

First Row, Square #3: Maybe if you lost weight/found a man/read The Secret, your problems would be solved.

First Row, Square #4: Why can’t you just suck it up, get out of bed, and find a job like the rest of us?

Second Row, Square #1: Lucky! You get to stay in bed all day.

Second Row, Square #2 (middle square): Free Space/DIET AND EXERCISE!!!11

Second Row, Square #3: You don’t look sick/you’re just complaining too much

Third Row, Square #1: Obviously, you get something out of being sick. Otherwise, you’d get better!

Third Row, Square #2: If I haven’t heard of it, then it doesn’t exist.

Third Row, Square #3: But I went through hard times too, and I got through it. Let’s talk about what a great person I am.

Third Row, Square #4: You have it so much better than some people! Think of the starving children in Africa…

Fourth Row, Square #1: Let go and let God/Power of prayer/God is punishing you

Fourth Row, Square #2: You just want an excuse to be lazy and have people pity you.

Fourth Row, Square #3: Why haven’t you tried crystals/vitamins/other dubious “cure”? IT REALLY WORKS!!!

Fourth Row, Square #4: Smoke pot/take illegal drugs. It will totally take care of your pain, man!

Song of the Moment, or a Follow-Up of Sorts

2009-10-06T13:52:00.001-07:00

Diamanda Galas always has an appropriate song for every occasion, especially the ones that involve lots of RAGE. To wit:

And with that, currently able-bodied white privileged feminists, I would like you to know that we will NOT be silent, nor silenced.

Background: here, here, here, here, here, here, and right here.

Confessions of a Reluctant Young White Feminist

2009-10-05T13:37:00.001-07:00

Dear Feministing.com,

Once upon a time, I posted this on my Livejournal: "One day, I will write about my numerous issues with Feministing.com."

Guess what? Today is that day! Lucky you.

Let me introduce myself: I am a feminist, an occasional blogger, a person with disabilities (fibromyalgia, cerebral palsy), and am currently getting my Master's Degree in Women & Gender Studies. I am also white, heterosexual, cisgendered, have a college degree, and am relatively economically privileged. I, at first glance, seem to embody many (stereo)typical qualities of a young, white feminist: from the type of music I enjoy, to how I dress, to the fact that I sometimes wear makeup, and, on occasion, read BUST magazine when I need a break from "serious" literature. Because I am white, I have the choice to ignore issues surrounding race, and those surrounding white privilege. Because I am heterosexual and cisgendered, I can brush off queer and trans issues if I so choose. Because I am white, economically privileged and have a college degree, I can probably rest assured that I will have a job in the future, even with my rather esoteric choice of college major and advanced degree.

One could argue that your site is pretty much made for people like me: the "fun" feminists who can wear makeup and heels [I can't wear heels, but that's for another post], go out and party like it's 1999 [I don't, but that, too, is for another post], and still fight for [their own] rights the next morning. One could argue that your contributors do, in fact, speak for folks like me, and that since they are the face of the fourth wave, I should just be thankful that feminist issues are getting any airtime or page space in the mainstream media at all, and/or that people who look like me are getting book deals.

But here's where our feminisms differ, Feministing.com: I am saddened by your numerous issues when it comes to representing people who are not like you. You all don't have the greatest track record when it comes to race and white privilege, trans issues, disability issues, economic privilege, and a ton of other things that I am probably accidentally leaving out. If someone new to feminism were to look at your website--which, not incidentally, is one of the "top" feminist websites, at least in the U.S.--they might conclude that feminism is a movement that is exclusively for young, white, heterosexual, able-bodied, sexually active, upper-middle-class women. If you know about the history of feminism in the U.S., and I assume that you do, you will see why this is so troubling.

There is more to the feminist movement than fighting for the rights of white women. Feminism is more than allowing your or your commenters' racial, economic, heterosexual, and able-bodied privilege to go totally unchecked. If you are so committed to "intersectionality," as you have claimed several times, where is it? True efforts toward inclusivity and intersectionality constitute more than simply talking about those things, or throwing around whatever blogular buzzword is currently hot, or thinking that droppin' those terms like they are on fire will suffice. There is an enormous chasm of difference between talking about doing something and actually doing it.

There is no gentle way to say this, Feministing.com: You do not speak for me, and I'm not sure that you ever will. I want to give you a chance, but until you actually start to make changes instead of alternately talking about making them and ignoring those of us who have asked you to, it is going to be difficult for me to hold out any hope.

You've already made it clear that I am not like you; apparently, neither are the people who have asked you, time and time again, to take what they have to say seriously, and to make changes accordingly.

You have also made it clear that there is no room for people like me in your version of "fun" feminism. There is no room in your world for my brothers and sisters: feminists and womanists of color, feminists with disabilities, working class feminists, fat feminists, queer and LGBTI feminists, asexual feminists, older feminists, or trans folk.

I understand. Boy, do I understand.

I will end with the following quote from the great Barbara Smith:

"Feminism is the political theory and practice that struggles to free all women: women of color, working-class women, poor women, disabled women, Jewish women, lesbians, old women--as well as white, economically privileged heterosexual women. Anything less than this vision of total freedom is not feminism, but merely female self-aggrandizement." [From "Racism and Women's Studies," 1979]

Sincerely,
Annaham

ETA, 7:27 PM PST: There's been an important update from meloukhia on this whole situation; Anna also has a lovely link roundup.

ETA II: I will be modding the shit out of both this and related posts; leaving trollish or inflammatory comments might spell D-E-L-E-T-I-O-N for you. Don't like it? Don't comment.

OFFS, Feministing.com

2009-10-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I'll ever truly expect that Feministing will get it when it comes to disability and ableism issues, but some of the language in this post is simply appalling:

If having my car door opened makes me feel like lover man thinks I'm an invalid, not so feminist.

Yeah.

Therefore, I enthusiastically endorse and co-sign meloukhia's Open Letter to Feministing, because the Feministing bloggers' and commenters' fashionable ableism, along with the seemingly tacit refusal to cover disability issues (except for when, as Amandaw points out, a disability issue is connected with reproductive rights in some way), are not new things.

Feminists with disabilities are people too, bloggers and commenters of Feministing.

This is why I don't read your site, and will continue not to until you do something about this problem. I mean, really, Feministing crew--it's time to get out of your incredibly privileged bubble and acknowledge that disability and ableism ARE feminist issues, and that the current way in which you treat feminist disability issues (see what I did there?) needs improvement.

Objectivity: Its Uses and Abuses

2009-09-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

A few months ago (I know it's, like, FOR-EV-ER in internet time, but bear with me, because as I have already explained, I can't update often because of various issues), Amandaw did a series of guest posts at Feministe, and--similar to what happened when she guest-posted last year--people kind of missed the point, and in some cases, did this rather spectacularly, by accusing her of not being "objective" enough in listening to criticism, among other things.

Here's the thing: Objectivity is absolutely, awesomely useful in many areas. The natural and physical sciences are just two areas where it is, understandably, required; quantitative studies in the Humanities are also useful to those of us who do scholarly work in that field.

But when you have such an e-boner for OBJECTIVITY in everything ever that you have to steamroll over peoples' experiences because you have an expert platform from which to do so, and your commentariat feels the need to pipe up about how they, too, have had similar experiences with PWDs and their goddamn bitching and why can't PWDs be more objective?!, then there is a bit of a problem. Specifically, when the entire point of someone's post is how a possible piece of legislation will impact those who need the proposed banned substance the most, being rabid about OBJECTIVITY is probably not the best strategy to take. Personal experience is subjective, and if you insist on screeching OBJECTIVITY OBJECTIVITY WHY CAN'T YOU BE REASONABLE, you are missing the entire point. The whole aim of Amandaw's post on the proposed Percoset and Vicodin ban was to demonstrate exactly why it is (and was) such a terrible idea--using her personal experience as someone with chronic pain to make her point.

If you're going to read the above-linked Skepchick post, I would suggest doing so with caution; one reason why I did not cover this when it happened was because I could not read the above thread without getting extremely upset. I'm going to get slammed for this, because it is not OBJECTIVE enough, but I still can't read through it without getting upset. Here is just a taste of the delightful comments following the post:

[Ridiculous comment by this person; macro by me, because I watched Aliens the other night for approximately the 443rd time.]

Before anyone goes all BUT THEY ARE EXAMINING IT **OBJECTIVELY**, STOP TAKING IT PERSONALLY-robotic on me, please remember: there is no way that I can not take it personally; many of the comments there are hateful toward people with chronic pain, or with disabling chronic pain. If you know anything about disability rights, or anything about social justice, or marginalized groups versus the majority, or even a very basic concept like privilege (and no, the "PWD privilege" argument in the above post is most definitely not what I am talking about here), you will see why this is not good. It does not matter if you hide your contempt for PWDs and chronically ill people behind the guise of OBJECTIVITY--you are still hiding your contempt (and just barely, I might add).

Tell me I'm wrong, skeptical people. Tell me that a (young) disabled feminist atheist like myself has a place in the movement, and not just in the young-white-cute-steamrollering-privileged-feminist subset of the skeptical movement. I wish I could see a place for myself in the movement, but right now, I really can't.

Obligatory, non-OBJECTIVE Disclaimer: This blog is a SAFE SPACE for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses, including chronic pain. If you're going to leave a comment about how one of my responses makes my entire blog/opinion moot, or how people with disabilities need to accommodate non-disabled people in attitude, openness, or helping ABs process their feelings, or that I'm too angry/emotional, or that you, as an able-bodied person, can totally relate and here's a long comment detailing exactly how, please remember that such a comment might not be taken in good faith, and that I might be a jackass to you in return.

Autism Speaks Says: People With Autism Cannot Speak For Themselves

2009-09-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

So this Autism Speaks video, made by once-awesome director Alfonso Cuaron and ~~talentless hack~~ "singer-songwriter" Billy Mann, is REALLY problematic and upsetting.

Yeah, implying that autism is always dangerous and horrible and will ruin your family and bankrupt you, and that your child who has autism is not really a person, but has been "taken over" by the condition...that's a great strategy.

It's fairly telling that the children and families shown in this video do not get to speak for themselves; nope, the creepy man-voice of "autism" speaks for them--as does this "charitable" organization.

I'd heard several times that Autism Speaks was/is fucking sketchy, but this is beyond the pale. Tigtog has more on this and why it is problematic.

Obligatory NIIAW Post

2009-09-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

So, it's National Invisible Illness Awareness Week.

As with all of my disability-related posts, the following applies: This blog is a SAFE SPACE for people with disabilities. If you're going to leave a comment about how one of my responses makes my entire blog/opinion moot, or how people with disabilities need to accommodate non-disabled people in attitude, openness, or helping ABs process their feelings, or that I'm too angry/emotional or not "objective" enough, or that you, as an able-bodied person, can totally relate and here's a long comment detailing exactly how, or that you are concerned about the tone of my post, or that I should "just try" this miracle supplement that totally cured your brother's guy friend's drinking buddy's co-worker, please remember that such a comment might not be taken in good faith, and that I might be a jackass to you in return.

1. The illness I live with is: Fibromyalgia

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2007

3. But I have had symptoms since: 2006

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Not being so hard on myself, and also not having too many commitments.

5. Most people assume: That being young means that you cannot have serious health problems, or that I am not "really" disabled. DISABILITY POLICE! WEE OO WEE OO

6. The hardest part about mornings is: Combating joint stiffness

7. My favorite medical TV show is: House

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My iPod

9. The hardest part about nights is: Falling asleep without tossing and turning!

10. Each day I take 1 pills & vitamins. [Cymbalta]

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have tried two that did not work (hypnosis, vitamins) and one that has worked (acupuncture)

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I don't know

13. Regarding working and career: Thank FSM that I got financial aid for grad school, because having a job at this point is out of the question.

14. People would be surprised to know: That I'm not as mean in real life as I sound on the internet. No, seriously.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Peoples' stupidity is harder to deal with than the actual physical pain.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Stand up for myself.

17. The commercials about my illness: Bug the SHIT out of me. Since when can someone with fibro write in perfect cursive? Also, the way that the actors in the ads pronounce "fibromyalgia" makes it sound like a vegetable, not an actual medical condition.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Playing guitar :(

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Being able to stay up past 11 PM or so

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Cooking!

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Go see a movie, go shopping, and then go out to eat, because I would be thrilled to be able to do all three in one day without getting exhausted.

22. My illness has taught me: That a lot of people are pretty stupid and subscribe to "if I can't see it, it isn't there/doesn't exist" thinking, but also that illness affects people of all gender identities, races, ethnicities, ages, sexualities, and class backgrounds.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "You should try positive thinking!" Thanks, dipshit.

24. But I love it when people: Are not afraid to admit that there are things about disability that they don't know, without also expecting that I'll play the role of Magical Disabled Person Who Teaches Them a Lesson About Life.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "Tomorrow might be better."

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: It's not the end of the world

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: That people say similar ridiculous things, and that some people keep suggesting "cures" even if I've rebuffed their suggestions before.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: It's the little things, mostly--asking if I need a break, need to sit down, if there's anything he/she can do, et cetera.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: Awareness just isn't enough; in some cases, it breeds complacency.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Thankful that I have so many friends who will put up with me!

Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com

Not My Type of Feminism, Redux

2009-08-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

I wrote this as part of a post I made back in May, but given current goings-on, I think it still applies, and will (unfortunately) probably still apply to certain segments of the blogosphere for quite a while:

I find it [...] difficult to understand why some are so dedicated to holding on to the last vestiges of their privilege, even as they give lip service to things like "inclusion" and "diversity." Neither term holds meaning when used by a certain type "good" mainstream liberal/feminist/et al to describe just how awesome and progressive they themselves are; oftentimes, these words are used to make those in the mainstream feel better about themselves, their privilege(s), and their biases--some of which they just cannot let go.

I want to be optimistic; I want to trust people when they say that they really do want to change, to be more inclusive, to give space to those who may be underrepresented, and that they are actively working on all of these things. There are certain things that I don't want to do, however, and most of the time, this includes being forever mega-understanding and/or fulfilling the role of Magical Invisibly Disabled Girl (I do enough of that when I'm not on the internet, to be frank) ALL OF THE DAMNED TIME. Initially, I responded to a WATRD blogger's comment on yesterday's post by being somewhat conciliatory and providing links to various disability blogs, hoping that she would actually take my suggestions--and this, after many voices have made similar suggestions to boot.

Because of the most recent WATRD post, however, I now feel even less confident that all of the voices who have (thank FSM) spoken up are, in fact, being taken seriously.

A huge part of making changes--whether personal or not--involves a willingness to actually do the work on one's own. It's not just about talking the talk, either. Saying that you will change means nothing if you do not actually make any changes.

In which I am counterproductive

2009-08-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

Dear White Cis Able-Bodied Women With "Core" Body Image Issues That Are Apparently Resonant With ALL Women, and Who Call Yourselves "the Real Deal,"

No. You. Aren't.

And no, I'm not "just jealous."

Signed,

A white woman with a disability who is sick of this kind of thing

I Make Things: Cupcake Edition

2009-08-06T17:35:00.000-07:00

This is kind of late, but I did not realize until today that I neglected to share a picture of the Heaven's Gate-inspired (cult, NOT movie) cupcakes that I made some time ago after finishing my undergrad thesis on the group and its representation in the U.S. media. Blogger (like Twitter) is being disagreeable today and won't let me insert a cut (?!). So, since these basically look like dead bodies made out of cupcake material--and after reading some very sensible criticism from other blog-friends--I've spaced the image further down the page. If you are at all sensitive to images of dead bodies recreated in sugar, please feel free to skip this post.

They were delicious. The book Hello, Cupcake! was particularly useful when it came to cooking and crafting techniques.

Thanks, Feds!

2009-07-01T15:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, because banning prescription pain pills that actually WORK for people with chronic pain/illness due to concerns surrounding "liver damage" totally makes sense.

Why not just ban acetaminophen as a whole, instead of JUST Percoset and Vicodin only because they contain that ingredient? I hate to say it, but acetaminophen/Tylenol does not do jack for me. I take Vicodin when my pain is really unbearable because of the other stuff contained in the pill.

I agree with this, however: “If you keep track of what you’re taking, none of this is an issue for you,” Dr. Jan Engle, a panel member and head of the Department of Pharmacy Practice at the University of Illinois in Chicago, said in an interview after the meeting.

It's too bad that the rest of the committee apparently chose to not consider that aspect. Not everyone is going to overdose on these pills, or take a particularly high or life-threatening dose. I don't want to sound like I do not have compassion for those who do overdose accidentally, but banning these medications outright--instead of educating folks about correct dosages, and treating those who do have serious addictions--seems rather short-sighted.

In Light of Recent "Discussions" (By Which I Mean "Angry-Making Threads")...

2009-06-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

I feel that I must dedicate this song to my blogfriends Anna, Amandaw, Donna, Lauredhel, and WP.

I know it's rough sometimes, but we have to keep fighting, and we will.

Stuff You Should Read

2009-05-31T11:48:00.001-07:00

Lauredhel has a fantastic post up about the specter of "parking permit abuse" and why it's overblown; also, be sure to check out her post about some extremely problematic legislation in Australia that would further limit who gets said parking permits.

Anna covers several nations' resistance to a treaty that would allow those who have reading-related disabilities to have more access to reading materials.

Dr. George Tiller, who was one of the few late-term abortion providers in the U.S., was shot this morning as he walked into church.

Link Love: bfp!

2009-05-26T21:18:00.001-07:00

A must-read post from bfp.

Go read it if you haven't already.

Yay, Arrested Development!

2009-05-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

The quality is awful, but this clip makes me laugh every time I see it:

Of course, I highly recommend the show if you haven't seen it already!

This is Not My Type of Feminism

2009-05-22T15:54:00.001-07:00

There are days when I question whether feminism, as a whole, is welcoming to people like me. Or to people who are not *exactly* like me, but are still part of groups that have historically been ignored, erased, marginalized, or plundered by "mainstream" feminism.

This absolute trainwreck of a "discussion"--on mental illness--happened over two weeks ago at Feministe, and I'm still thinking about it. Many (though not all) of the comments on that post are horrific displays of ableist tripe.

I do not understand why some find it so haaaaaard to grasp that disability and ableism are feminist issues, or that disability rights and women's rights are connected; I find it equally difficult to understand why some are so dedicated to holding on to the last vestiges of their privilege, even as they give lip service to things like "inclusion" and "diversity." Neither term holds meaning when used by a certain type "good" mainstream liberal/feminist/et al to describe just how awesome and progressive they themselves are; oftentimes, these words are used to make those in the mainstream feel better about themselves, their privilege(s), and their biases--some of which they just cannot let go.

Again and again, I see comments in several places online that suggest that disabled and other marginalized people, and their experiences, are only good for two things: enabling the "growth and development" of mainstream feminists, and providing abstract (at least to those who have that privilege) discussion fodder that allows various "concerned" fems to do their thing without questioning their own privilege. Both of these have the effect of depoliticizing any radical potential that those who are NOT het white cis upper-middle class able-bodied mentally "healthy" feminists may bring to the table. In a way, it's kind of like using the ideas of radical women of color--without referencing where these ideas come from!--to make a point about your wedding, of all things.

It fucking hurts.

Rage.

2009-05-12T18:41:00.000-07:00

Since when is the claim "ableism is not feminist" a controversial one?

Disability 101!

2009-05-05T20:30:00.001-07:00

I've started a series of Disability 101 posts over at FoF, and I'd be thrilled to have you all check out the first entry!

Many thanks to Tigtog for brilliantly starting and keeping up the excellent Finally Feminism 101 blog, which inspired me to start a Dis101 series.

The Drug Thing

2009-05-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been thinking about how I was pretty harsh to one particular commenter on IIB I. In retrospect, I realize that my comparison of smoking pot to gambling was unfair, and am working on a version of IIB I that both shifts the wording a bit and is a bit “neater” graphic-wise (yes, I have finally figured out how to make straight lines in Photoshop!).

However, there is still something that I have an issue with as far as the whole “pot has been tested by science and you should [do something] to keep an open mind/reflect this in your post!” argument goes: Many of the people from whom I have heard this argument from are not dealing with disability or chronic illness. In my rather limited experience, this tactic seems like the whole abled-bodied-people knowing what is “best” for PWDs in every circumstance thing yet again—-particularly when the ABs' “well-meaning” advice has to do with exactly which treatments the PWD should or should not be pursuing.

I am aware that pot does work for many people with chronic pain, and I am not opposed to people using it if it works for them. What I do take exception to is the insinuation—again, mostly from able-bodied people who are unaware of my family history of addiction (this is what has made me personally uncomfortable with the use of illegal substances for my own pain relief)—that I, as a person with a disability, do not know what is best for me when it comes to pain management. As I have said before, there is no substance that is miraculous for everyone who tries it—not booze, not pot, not the medicines that I myself take (Cymbalta and, on occasion, Vicodin). When people imply that I should just keep an open mind about this treatment, or think about trying that one because it has worked for someone they know, or that my personal experiences with people who are “just trying to help” by suggesting all kinds of things somehow renders my other points moot, I tend to get angry. My patience runs out, because I deal with these “well-meaning” suggestions quite often, and find that I must also manage some folks’ feelings when they are hurt that I don’t throw myself at their feet with gratitude for every single suggestion, whether that suggestion relates to the use of vitamins, recreational drugs or “positive” thinking.

As Amandaw so gracefully puts it:

I don’t know what the hell is going on in the life of the next chronic pain patient you might meet. That’s the point. You just don’t know. You don’t have the slightest concept of what their background is or how their body works or what they’ve tried before. So why do you assume it’s totally benign to throw this in their face? Why are you acting as though you know their body, their history, their experiences better than they do?

Do I have the time to detail everything above every time someone “helpfully” informs me that marijuana can be good for pain relief? Should I have to reveal all this stuff to total strangers, or even acquaintances, coworkers, casual friends? Even if all this stuff wasn’t there, and I just didn’t feel like using it: why can’t I have that decision respected?

Not everyone will relate to all of the spaces on the Bingo cards; though I have tried to construct them so that as many of the spaces as possible are (in general) applicable to the experiences of people with invisible disabilities and chronic illnesses, this does not mean that I will radically change them based on the opinions of apparently able-bodied people who are, of course, only trying to help.

Macro: Concerned Cat

2009-05-02T19:41:00.000-07:00

Via commenter Tionista at FFJ comes this amazing cat macro:

xD

Invisible Illness Bingo 2: Back For Revenge

2009-05-01T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hey, it's Blogging Against Disablism Day!

My contribution is Invisible Illness Bingo 2 (IIB 1 is here); click for a larger version:

Something to remember if you're going to comment on this post: This blog is a SAFE SPACE for people with disabilities. If you're going to leave a comment about how one of my posts/points/bingo squares makes my entire blog/opinion/bingo card moot, or how my bingo card is not properly formatted, or how people with disabilities need to accommodate non-disabled people in attitude, openness, or helping ABs process their feelings (like we don't do enough of those things already), or that I'm too angry/emotional or not "objective" enough, or that you, as an able-bodied person, can totally relate and here's a long comment detailing exactly how, or that you are concerned about the tone of my post, please remember that such a comment might not be taken in good faith, and that I might be a jackass to you in return. [Edit: Yes, I know I'm an asshole.]

Other than that, feedback is welcome. Also, be sure to go check out the other BADD 2009 posts at Diary of a Goldfish.

ETA The Third: Via Rachel at Metalsunflower, here is the plaintext version:

Description: Card is made up of white squares on a black background. Underneath the squares, the title (in white) reads "annaham presents invisible illness & disability bingo" followed by "2" in red.

First row, Square #1: I had a really bad migraine once, so I know how you feel

First row, Square # 2: Your anger is alienating all potential able-bodied allies

First row, Square #3: I had that and I got over it. I did it, and so can you!

First row, Square #4: You should use [X dubious "cure"], because it's safer than the drugs that Big Pharma has sold to you

Second row, Square #1: VISUALIZE your pain away! It totally works!

Second row, Square #2: Taking pills for your pain means that you are just a Big Pharma zombie

Second row, Square #3: That sounds like something you just made up/ that sounds fake

Second row, Square #4: My personal experience invalidates yours! I know people with disabilities, so I know what I am talking about.

Third row, Square #1: You can still walk, so you aren't really disabled.

Third row, Square #2: I'm able-bodied. Let's talk about me and how I deal with pain/ illness

Third row, Square #3: I don't agree with one thing you said in your post, so your entire experience/ point is moot.

Third row, Square #4: I don't have a disability, but let me tell you what would make your point(s) more digestible to "normal" folks

Fourth row, Square #1: A person with a disability was mean to me once, so all PWDs are mean and secretly jealous of able-bodied people!

Fourth row, Square #2: You already have the best parking spaces! What "special rights" will you demand next?!

Fourth row, Square #3: How do we know that you're not just a drug seeker/ drug abuser?

Fourth row, Square #4: Wow! You are so inspirational. I don't know how I would cope if I were in your situation.

Daughter of ETA: Rachel over at Metalsunflower has awesomely transcribed a text version of IIB 2, viewable at the bottom of this page. She has also text-scribed many other fantastic bingo cards from around the 'net, and kindly provided the plaintext version above. Thanks, Rachel!

ETA, 11/7/09: I completely forgot to include a text translation, which has kindly been pointed out by a commenter. I'm sorry; this was an inexcusable oversight and rather ironic, given that this was created for BADD. I am working on a text translation and will get it on the page as soon as possible.

Stupid White People Tricks

2009-04-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

Heidi Montag and Spencer Somethingorother at LAX, after returning from a recent trip to Mexico; picture via Go Fug Yourself.

MAKING A JOKE OUT OF SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE ARE PANICKING OVER IS SO TEH FUNNY, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE THE (white) PRIVILEGE WITH WHICH TO DO SO!

I only know who these brats are because I watch The Soup.

I Can't Be More Articulate Than...

2009-04-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

First, read Amandaw's take on this piece of crap "PSA" from the fine folks at Dove:

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!

Disabled people are not your fucking "inspiration" to show you that you are pretty, conventionally attractive white middle-class girl, and that you shouldn't have low self-esteem, because you are pretty! We're not your fucking After-School Special.

But thanks for putting us back in our place, Dove.

ETA: Anna has been kind enough to correct me on the origin of this thing; it's actually a student film project and is NOT a real Dove ad.

Still, though--this spot's portrayal of disability pretty much sucks.

Even MORE Epic Privilege Fail, This Time From a Fellow Feminist

2009-04-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

Well, looks like someone's already committed parts of Derailing For Dummies to memory.

Seriously, what the in the high holy fuck is feminist about what pretty much amounts to "Ann Coulter is a transsexual, DUR HURRRRRR"? Oh, right, it's supposed to be "snarky" and "ironic." Sort of like the Jezebel twits and their hard-hitting stances on a number of controversial issues, or something. Oh, and both the Jezes and the blogger linked above have also issued fauxpologies, which seem to have the not-so-subtle-message of "LA LA LA IT WAS JUST A JOKE, LIGHTEN UP!" Yeah, that totally helps.

I wish I could be more coherent, but this sort of shit astounds me, and the fact that it keeps happening makes it worse.

Oh, Old Posts...

2009-04-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

Check out this weird comment that I found on an old post:

I found this page due to a link left in a different journal, I forget which one.

I like the idea, and most of the comments. However, the last one needs re-worked. I find it extremely inappropriate to list using medical cannabis (which can be inhaled, or eaten, not just smoked) along with addictive and destructive things like gambling and shooting heroin.

Medical cannibis has a *lot* of science behind it, and forms of medical cannabis are being used in enlightened countries like Great Britian and Canada.
http://www.drugdevelopment-technology.com/projects/sativex/

[...]

Access to medical cannabis is a political issue, not a health issue. Medical cannabis has been clearly scientifically proven to be an effective drug for pain control, much better than most of the drugs which the pharmaceutical want someone to use. This is a political issue based on control of the market by the big pharmaceutical companies, and your failure to recognize that does a huge discredit to your chart.

It would be far more appropriate to include a space which addresses the politics around denying people effective pain control.

Yes, because I love it when pot advocates tell ME what "discredits" MY WORK, and what is "appropriate" and not. Oh, and Big Pharma somehow gets worked in there, too. Love it.

I have had people who know next to nothing about my condition tell me that pot is "great for pain control" and that I should use it. Know why I chose to ignore them? Because a) they don't know me well enough to know that I do not want to become a pothead and b) pot can be addictive. I have a close relative who has struggled with marijuana addiction. I do not want to take that risk. That is my choice.

Assuming that one substance is a cure-all is, in a word, ridiculous. Do I tell other people with fibro that they should take Vicodin (as I do) for pain? No, because for some people it doesn't work. For some, it can be addictive. I have to keep this in mind. The pot advocates would do well to remember something similar. Pot is not a cure-all, no matter how you spin it.

If you want me to respect your opinion, please have the courtesy to respect mine in turn.

There's a Storm Gathering...A CAMEL STORM.

2009-04-09T18:55:00.001-07:00

I don't think I have to tell you all how intensely idiotic and homophobic this PSA is:

My response can only be summed up by the following:

You said it, camels in a car.

Epic Privilege Fail

2009-04-03T18:25:00.001-07:00

At first, I was unsure as to what I thought of this blog, in which a guy with (temporary!) underarm crutches takes photos of NYC subway riders who sit in the elderly/PWD seating instead of offering him a seat.

After reading this NY Times blog post on the site, however, I'm inclined to think that this is yet another mostly able-bodied person who claims the "social experiment" defense in order to take advantage of his own privilege, and to claim that he now somehow has insight into what it's like to live with a disability. Observe:

Wednesday morning, he was crossing 42nd Street after a long commute, accompanied by a reporter, when he was asked if he had learned any big lessons from the whole affair.

“Big lessons?” he said, pausing for a moment. “Honestly, no.”

After another moment’s thought, he added that the site and its reaction have given him a new appreciation for the lives of people with permanent disabilities.

“There’s these little struggles and battles going on every day,” he said. “You’d have to have a really good attitude to deal with it and have it not get to you.”

Yay, it's the PWDs as somehow brave and/or inspiring trope! My favorite. Also, note how being on crutches for some time apparently gives him super-special insight into what it's like to be a person with a (visible) disability! Never mind that dealing with a permanent health condition or disability is not just about getting (or not getting) a seat on the subway; there are other things that one must think about, plan around, and negotiate. Plus, there's that whole thing about disabilities that don't have any of the handy visual markers of disability that some able-bodied folks in our culture so strongly rely upon.

The comments to the article, predictably, are full of people who feel the need to share about how they, too, were once on crutches and experienced something similar, so they totally get how difficult it is to live with a physical disability.

This doesn't help.

I Don't Know What to Call This

2009-03-31T19:34:00.000-07:00

The singer Martha Wainwright has a song entitled "Bleeding All Over You" that begins with the following set of lyrics:

There are days
when the cage doesn't
seem to open very wide at all

I know it sounds negative, but some days, I can definitely relate. Maybe it's the fact that I pass fairly regularly as able-bodied--at least in public spaces--or maybe it's my failure at passing on my worst days that makes me relate. As much as I hate to rely upon the old trope of the person-with-disability as trapped by her own unruly body, it, like many tropes, has a sliver of truth to it.

When I am in public, I often fear that other people--more able-bodied people--can "spot" my disability. On a purely surface level, this makes no sense. Part of what makes passing such an interesting topic is the fact that, on some level, the individual who passes can hide something and look as if she or he is a part of another group, despite some (invisible) evidence that would suggest otherwise. I realize also that not everyone has the ability to pass--that passing, in itself, is a privilege. The ability to appear to be something that one is not (often as a member of a more privileged group) is not something that absolutely everyone has.

Today, I sat in a restaurant and ate a light lunch very, very slowly because my right hand was unable to hold the fork without considerable muscle pain in my tendons and wrist. This sort of thing happens rarely, but when it does, I get nervous. I become nervous because I think that my fellow diners, or students, or whomever, can pick up on my not-immediately-obvious physical difference(s) from something that is only slightly "off." Even using a term like "off" is problematic; it implies that there is something wrong, that the person who needs to take time to do some of the things that others may take for granted needs to be fixed, somehow; that, or she needs to "fix" herself (by minimizing/masking her pain or ability or dis-ability) so that she may fit in and continue to pass.

So, are my restrained grimaces due to pain--when I am in public spaces, that is-- restrained because I, deep down, want to continue passing? Is it because I would be embarrassed to show my pain around strangers? Is it out of rather ridiculous consideration(s) of the "comfort" level of strangers (ie: the social assumption that one should never make people uncomfortable, even if one is in pain)? Does a "stiff upper lip," so to speak, actually do anyone a favor? I'd argue that the whole "keep your pain to yourself" thing might arise from a very deep fear of individuals with disabilities, but that's probably best saved for another post.

Time and Energy, Or Lack Thereof

2009-03-27T16:44:00.001-07:00

This amazing post and its follow-up by Anna at Trouble in China have got me thinking. [In the interest of full disclosure, my Shakesville post is in there as an example of the problematic nature of inclusiveness.]

Whenever I mention this blog in, say, a contributor's or artist's bio, I nearly always include the qualifier "sporadically updated." Regular readers will know that this is partially my style--the dash of self-deprecation--but it masks something else. Namely: I very rarely have the energy to write a whole blog post, to respond to comments, or, hell, to comment on other blogs with wit and insight. This does not mean that I do not exist. It only means that I, quite simply, don't always have the mental or physical energy to contribute to a medium that is, by and large, designed in favor of the non-disabled.

Before the inevitable questions of "why don't you just quit?" arise, I keep and have kept this space for a very specific reason: I cannot just give up. Certainly, there are better writers out there than me. There are better blogs. I have blog friends who are more articulate, more stylistically clever; some of these folks who blog more, or have more readers. Yet I know that the blogosphere is a bit wicked in that one is only as good as her or his last post (to use a worn cliche). Some of us can crank out quality posts nearly every day. Many of us cannot.

I often cannot keep up with a 'sphere in which other voices--more able voices--have the luxury of time and actual emotional/physical energy to blog. The conspiracy theorist in me wants to chalk this up to the blogosphere's--and to a lesser extent, the internet's--design as yet another space where able-bodied folks can "fit," and can be "productive" in terms of number and quality of posts. For all the talk of the internet as a utopia where one is free to not be embodied, the same old shit seems to keep coming up, along with the big ol' Cthuluphant in the room: that the world is designed for able-bodied (and preferably white, straight, middle-class, and male) individuals. Productivity, fitting in, responding quickly: These are things that non-able-bodied folks may not be able to do, whether because of issues of time, energy, ease of access, or many other factors. What happens when one cannot type because of searing pain in her hands, wrists, arms? What happens when one finds that he is too brain-fogged to write a post, much less comment on an existing post that many other people have already commented upon? When one is confined to bed because of nausea or all-over pain that forces her to lie for hours, staring at the ceiling, doing nothing because it's all too much? What happens is that much-needed voices are not part of the conversation. They are lost, but not because they are not there.

This is shameful. There is no other word for it.

Do I know where to begin in pursuit of a solution? No.

Does anyone? I am not sure. I would like to hope that someone does, but I remain unsure.

We're here. You just might not know it, yet.

Winnie Has a Question...

2009-03-18T16:37:00.001-07:00

Also, in less cute and/or more angry-making news, check out Lauredhel's takedown of an atrocious interview with some psychiatrist who believes that people with CFS and related illnesses are hysterics, or something. I was not able to read the whole article without wanting to chuck my computer across the room. Basically, the article is yet another go-round of "if I can't see it, then it must not be there, and the person who says they have it is totally making it up." Positively infuriating. I dare anyone who believes that people with these conditions do not face very real social consequences to read the article and still hold that sort of belief.

It sounds really, fantastically bitter and mean of me to say, but I often wish that people like Simon Wessley would one day wake up and find that they have a chronic health condition that literally changes everything for them; perhaps such an event would make them think twice before they talk out of their asses under the guise of "expertise."

I Don't Get It.

2009-03-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

This photo is from a Vanity Fair feature on "Comedy's New Legends." It is Seth Rogen, dressed as Frida Kahlo:

Could someone explain to me precisely if and/or why this image is supposed to be funny? Frida Kahlo's work is not exactly a barrel o'laughs, and if you look at the rest of the photo set, this image doesn't quite fit in with the other photos. I could see how it makes some sense given that the rest of the photos are of new "legends" dressed as those of yesteryear, but...I'm stuck, and unsure of what this image is trying to convey. Man dressed as woman = automatically hilarious? Frida Kahlo is/was manly? I have no idea.

Also, re the cover image: Is male nudity really so offensive to various delicate sensibilities that all of the "nude" guys on the cover have to wear bodysuits? I get that it's supposed to be a takeoff on VF's ridiculous Tom Ford cover, but there is something about the bodysuits that makes it, at least in my eyes, less satirical and more shaming, as Melissa/Shakes so eloquently puts it. That said, the thing that I do like about this image is Paul Rudd's exact aping of Tom Ford--he's got it down to a t.

I Am Out of Ideas Today

2009-03-04T20:58:00.001-08:00

I posted this over at Cheese and Dog, but I'm going to post it here anyway. Click for big.

Bad Poetry Corner with Annaham

2009-02-19T21:31:00.001-08:00

Hello, readers! I have a very spur-of-the-nanosecond piece of poetry for you, written by yours truly and inspired by recent events both in the blogosphere (a great take on it by Bfp is here and not.

for what it's worth (dust)

i have to stop spending so much time in the 'net
but will that make the knot in my stomach go away?
it might just fester, and rot into a clump of some forgotten sticky cobwebs

some of those who say "i want to understand"
or
"i am not trying to silence you"
are just looking to cover themselves
and loop back to the same points they've made, over and over and over
and
over

and
over the course of threading some damn fancy eagle scout-style knots
reconfirm the biases, the mental wheel-ruts to which they're accustomed

what they really mean is
"just shut up and listen to me
because i know what i am talking about, even if what i am talking about
happens to be your experience"

it's the same old thing:

"your post offended me. i am a [name of privileged group] and i am not like that at all"
"i'm trying to be consciously racist, therefore i am not a racist"
"he's not trying to be consciously ableist, therefore he is not ableist"
"but listen: this piece/this cartoon/my opinion/the statistic that i just pulled out of my ass was not intended to be racist, therefore i should get a pass."

they say, sounding concerned for you via bits and bytes and letters
after all: they are only trying to help!
and wouldn't you be easier to listen to if you weren't so "angry" or "militant" or "negative"
or whatever dust they can flick off of themselves and onto you?

the dust will, as dust is wont to do, settle.
and no one is safe from it.

Obesity is a Person?

2009-02-16T16:49:00.001-08:00

Via Scary Ideas come these weird PSAs from something called the Active Life Movement; the ads suggest that the Obesity Crisis is a thing that parents can keep away from their children (click for big):

THE OBESITY CRISIS, IF IT GETS THE CHANCE, WILL INFECT YOUR CHILDREN AND THEIR TOYS, PARENTS!

Visual interesting-ness aside, these seem pretty problematic. Fatness is not something that is caused only by inactivity or "laziness," and the automatic assumption here seems to be that fat automatically equals unhealthy, unattractive, and/or the worst thing that could ever happen (notice how both Barbie and the superhero are alone, thereby insinuating that fat = alone or lonely).

I do not see how stigmatizing fatness in the name of promoting "health" helps anyone.

Joining the Privilege Pile-On?

2009-02-10T18:07:00.000-08:00

I still have no idea what I think about this post. Normally, I very much enjoy Courtney Martin's writing, but this post, to me, screamed of privilege. I know she works hard, and consistently produces high-quality writing. The aforementioned post is not that. Am I supposed to feel envious of her lifestyle? Should I commiserate with her over the "email black hole"? Wish that I, too, could start my day at 11:00 AM? I am baffled.

I have long maintained that the feminist blogosphere has a fairly large number of blind spots (my use of this phrase is NOT intended to be ableist); if you read this blog regularly, you are probably aware that I consider disability to be one of these privilege(d) blind spots. Increasingly, as Lauren has pointed out, class position and work--particularly in this economic climate--are two others. I myself am not immune to worrying about the state of our economy--though I benefit from enormous privilege now (including familial and monetary support, having school as my primary "job," and health insurance, among other things), it is entirely possible that I will need to find employment that is not in the academic field in the coming months, when I have my completed BA degree in hand. [I have included the qualifier "entirely possible" because I am still waiting to hear from several graduate programs to which I have applied.]

Due to my disability, I am physically unable to work full time. The most I can do without depleting all of my available energy is about 30 hours per week. I am aware that it will be a challenge for me to find a job where I can work that amount of time and still be able to support myself; it is unlikely that starting work at 11:00 AM, checking email throughout the day, and eating "overpriced" sushi will be part of such a job. That is fine with me; what I take issue with is Martin's seemingly blatant disregard for those who may not be as lucky as she is. The tone of her post makes it appear that she is, for lack of a better word, "set." Some folks in the feminist blogosphere who may be in similar situations would do well to remember that this is not the case for many people.

OFFS.

2009-02-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, now dieting is an acceptable topic for graphic novels?

WHAT?

This is one of those posts where I link something without much comment only because I lack the words to properly convey how idiotic it sounds.

She’s been there, and she’ll tell you and show you what it [sticking to a strict diet] was like — and give you the tools and inspiration so you can do it, too.

SHE DID IT AND SO CAN YOU!!11

Pffft.

It's Me or the Dog

2009-02-05T11:49:00.001-08:00

Fast-forward to about 10 seconds in; it is totally worth it.

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

2009-01-19T12:55:00.001-08:00

Blog Neglect and Its Discontents

2009-01-11T16:14:00.000-08:00

Y'all, I have totally been neglecting a blog project of mine that definitely deserves more time, attention and love.

That blog is Faces of Fibro. It hasn't been updated in a while. *hangs head in deep shame*

Please, for the love of Flying Spaghetti Monster, SEND ME YOUR STORIES about your experiences with fibromyalgia--yours, a loved one's, whatever. You can email me at annaham AT gmail dot com, or by clicking the "Contact the Ham" link on the right side of this blog. Seriously. I will post just about anything.

Guidelines can be found here. If you have an idea for a piece that doesn't fit with the themes in the guidelines but that you think might work, go ahead and let me know. I am also totally willing to read and offer suggestions for pieces that are in-progress, or offer suggestions to flesh out your ideas.

Thank you, and happy submitting!

Arby's Food Disgusting; Ad Also Disgusting

2008-12-29T17:47:00.000-08:00

This ad annoys the crap out of me; it is probably my least favorite commercial of 2008, which is saying a lot, since I've been watching more television than is probably healthy.

There are many things upon which I could enumerate when it comes to why this ad sucks--the one thing that sticks in my craw the most, however, is the overt sexualization of food service (especially since a woman is doing the serving!). The idea that men are obsessed with both sex and meat-laden food, too, is troubling. Would this ad be as "clever" if the gender roles were reversed? Probably not--especially given the not-very-subtle Arby's logo that literally pops up from the guy's head at the end.

Quick Hit Strikes Back: The Sexification of Illness

2008-12-15T11:58:00.001-08:00

http://polkadotgals.com/index.html [NOT SAFE FOR WORK]

I do not begrudge these women for trying to raise awareness of fibro, but is a bikini/nude calendar really a good strategy? I also have to question the wisdom of selling lingerie [NSFW] in conjunction with the calendar in the name of "awareness."

What concerns me is the fact that many of the people who have posed for the calendar fit perfectly into the already-existing white, Western hegemonic ideal of female beauty, and are apparently nude in the name of "awareness." It's a move straight from the PETA playbook: using (white) naked female bodies to make consumers ostensibly aware of a cause without examining the larger implications of such a move.

How much "awareness" can one really have if one is too busy focusing on T&A?

For more on the sexification of illness and the related consumerist implications, read Barbara Ehrenreich's amazing piece "Welcome to Cancerland".

Quick Hit: Why I Strongly Dislike Jezebel

2008-12-14T11:29:00.000-08:00

Because: using feminist rhetoric to slam fashion magazines and then turning right around to slam people whose issues you either cannot or do not wish to offer even a modicum of consideration to does not make you cool, or edgy. It just makes you an asshole. [I am aware that there are tons more examples of epic failure such as the above, but I lack the inner steeliness to go through the entire site right now in order to look for more.]

Judging by the site's popularity, however, I suppose that actively marginalizing and/or endlessly snarking on people who are--GASP!--different from you due to their (dis)abilities, differences of opinion, or perceived lack of what you conceptualize as feminist skills is the new "in" thing. I am all for using humor as a weapon and/or catalyst for change, but not at the very real expense of potential allies.

Yes, I am a total old-school style stick in the mud, and no, I do not intend to change this.

For more, check out this classic Feministing post on two of the Jezebel writers' (televised) drunken antics, and why the site's use of feminist rhetoric is problematic. Also, there's this. Totally awesome on the part of Jezebel and not at all problematic, AMIRITE?

Edited to add two more pieces worth checking out: One from Hoyden About Town, on Jezebel's use and abuse of ableist language (because this use is, of course, not just a one-time thing), and Deus Ex Malcontent's excellent analysis of some of the issues surrounding the Gawker fame juggernaut that spawned Jezebel.

oh hay look it'z my illness!

2008-12-07T20:56:00.000-08:00

http://drphil.com/plugger/respond/?plugID=13032

"Do you or someone you know suffer from fibromyalgia? Do you have constant pain and it's affecting your day to day life?"

Yes, and that's what fibro does. The constant pain affects your day-to-day life.

Were the topic "Do you suffer from fibromyalgia, and are you also filled with rage?" I would TOTALLY write in. Instead, they want to push some new treatment or something. Ergh.

So, who wants to inundate the Dr. Phil show with messages demanding that we angry fibromites get some screen time? ;-)

Who Needs Love, When There's Body Fascism?

2008-12-03T10:42:00.001-08:00

So, Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls has recently gone public with her spat with her record label, Roadrunner Records--the label is refusing to promote the new single from her album (which I've been listening to NONSTOP, by the way) because her belly "looks too big" in the video.

Frankly, I'm not seeing this too-bigness:

Also, in a recent blog post, Amanda recounted a meeting with her A&R guy:

right before the european tour i went to the new york offices of roadrunner to say hi and check in.
my a&r guy (my main contact at the label) sat me down in his office and said he wanted to discuss the “leeds united” video.
he told me that there were certain shots that they wanted to either cut completely or digitally alter to “be more flattering”.

my favorite quote from that meeting:
“i’m a guy, amanda. i understand what people like.”

That last line is, I swear, just about the most unintentionally hilarious thing I've read all week. I like how "guy" stands in for all "people." Not all people are men, but okay, A&R dude. Congrats, you've just proved Laura Mulvey's 1970s-era theory about the male gaze, and it's 2008! Male is NOT the default, nor does it constitute the single set of eyes in the music video/film world or otherwise. How many times must us evil, hairy, angry feminists say it? GODDAMN.

Anyway, I'd meant to write about Amanda's album much, much earlier, as it's been in pretty much constant rotation here at the HamShack, but this whole debacle has given me an inroad. If you are looking for interesting, original music, please check out Ms. Palmer's work--both her solo album and her work with the Dresden Dolls. You can purchase her album here.

"Traditional Marriage," My Ass

2008-11-14T16:26:00.000-08:00

As many of you probably know, Prop 8 has passed in California--this will amend our state Constitution under the guise of "protecting traditional marriage" to thereby restricting gays and lesbians from marrying.

I have a problem with this. First of all, the "think of the CHILDREN!!11" rhetoric that the Yes on 8 folks brought out during their campaign was not only ill-argued, but idiotic. Honestly, I couldn't give less of a shit about parents who want to "protect" their kids from the supposed onslaught of homosexuals and "gay marriage being taught in schools" (I'm still trying to figure out what that even means). If you want your kid to grow up to be a bigot, that's your deal. I do not have a responsibility to your child or children to uphold the "traditional" nuclear family, or claim that I support it, because I really don't. The thousands of people whose marriage rights y'all have just denied? They don't owe it to you, either.

I do not support the "traditional" family structure (which, I am assuming, equals mom, dad, 2.5 kids, a dog and a white picket fence) because it perpetuates a standard that many of us--of all sexual orientations--cannot or do not wish to live up to. I refuse to bow to a traditional institution (heterosexual marriage) that says, basically, that I should put my limited energies into being a consumer, wife, and mother, just because that is what women are supposed to do. Perhaps this worked in the 1950s, but for the vast majority of people, this system is outdated and rather ridiculous. "Traditional" marriage is so tied to notions of the nuclear family, religion and consumerism that it needs to be deconstructed and re-assembled as something that will work for a wider variety of folks; I think gay marriage is a good start to such deconstruction.

When did marriage start becoming everyone else's business but that of the people who are marrying?

Getting your activism on: There will be protests all around the country for marriage equality TOMORROW, November 15th, 2008. Click here for a massive list of demonstrations, state-by-state.

Howl-O-Ween

2008-10-31T19:54:00.000-07:00

Bad pun nonwithstanding, here is Winston in his costume (photo credit goes to my partner, Liam):

Happy Halloween, everyone!

The New York Times is Like That Friend That You Hate

2008-10-28T09:51:00.001-07:00

Well, the NYT has, hilariously, done it again with their dismissal of people with fibromyalgia--this time, in a troubling article entitled "Half of All Doctors Routinely Prescribe Placebos".

But when asked how he treated fibromyalgia or other conditions that many doctors suspect are largely psychosomatic, Dr. Schreiber changed his mind. “The problem is that most of those people are very difficult patients, and it’s a whole lot easier to give them something like a big dose of Aleve,” he said. “Is that a placebo treatment? Depending on how you define it, I guess it is.”

Yeah, sorry we're interrupting your golf game with our neediness, Dr. Arrogant. Aleve also happens to contain naproxen, which is commonly used in anti-inflammatory medications used to treat arthritis. The problem is that anti-inflammatory meds do not usually work work on people with fibromyalgia. Not only does Dr. Schreiber apparently need more info on fibromyalgia, but he paints those who have the condition with a very broad stroke. Nice.

Also, if you're just prescribing placebos left and right and don't actually want to help people, why on Earth are you a doctor?

In my un-humble opinion, the Times is a bit like that friend you hang out with, but whom you find as annoying as all get-out. Sure, he's got occasional flashes of insight, but most of the time, you hate hanging out with him because he's either arrogant, dismissive, or totally hammered--and more often, he's all three of these wrapped up into one awful package. But you feel sorry for him. You want him to be a better person, and you suspect that his other friends either encourage his stupidity or don't notice. So you keep hanging out with him, in the hopes that you might have some sort of tiny effect, even though you probably don't.

Oh My, I Haven't Updated in Nearly a Month!

2008-10-10T21:29:00.000-07:00

Ooops. I'll try not to let that happen again.

I started a cartoon/art blog, in between being insanely busy with school, work, managing the fibro, and other things. The cartoon blog is called Cheese and Dog. I've been sort of lazy with updating it as of late (sound familiar?), but this will change soon.

I am currently watching the documentary Taxi to the Dark Side. It is very good.

Stuff I Could Do Without

2008-09-24T12:17:00.001-07:00

This is a meme that's been making the rounds lately, and since I just got back from a somewhat relaxing vacation and need to post something, here 'tis.

TEN THINGS THAT ANNAHAM COULD TOTALLY DO WITHOUT (ranked in order from least annoying to most egregious, though there are some near the middle of the list that rankle me equally):

10. Lint and other unsavory things that have somehow made a permanent home on my kitchen's linoleum floor (and won't budge)

09. Winston, ever the scamp dog, crapping in the house for the 3,347th time

08. Mysterious headaches and/or stomachaches

07. Epic, painful-to-witness stupidity from people whom I thought were above all of that (Shakes has a great explanation of such an incident here)

06. Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin

05. John McCain

04. This kind of shit

03. Having that "sinking" feeling and not knowing why

02. Being out of pain meds when I really, really do need them

01. Terrible fibro pain--culminating in an attack where my body feels like it is under a crapton of burning coals--right before school and work start up again!

The 9/11 Post

2008-09-11T17:38:00.001-07:00

The more I attempt to think about 9/11, the less I am convinced that things "changed forever" on that day for the country.

Certainly, those who lost someone on that day had their lives irrevocably affected, as have those who have lost someone because of the dubious wars that directly resulted from 9/11. I don't dispute that at all. What I do dispute is the assertion that "9/11 changed everything" or "united us all as Americans."

What I have noticed is that the people in power have made changes to things that now piss a lot of people off; those in power have, effectively, missed their chance to make changes in our society that will actually make things better for people. Eradicating sexism, racism, homophobia, poverty, and related evils are just not important; "stronger" security checkpoints at airports and color-coded alert charts (to let us know how freaked out we should be) are more important.

I have seen no such "unity" in America. If you do not support or contribute to the people in power in this country, they do not care about you. One example of this was Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath. Those who have the most power in this country do not care about helping anyone but their own. If you are female, if you are not white, if you are not 100% heterosexual, if your gender identity is outside of the two options prescribed by society, if you are poor, or ill, or disabled, or do not subscribe to the doctrines of uber-fundamentalist Christianity, if you are for reproductive choice, if you are fat, if you are a feminist/womanist, if you do not have health insurance or need health care that is not rudimentary, if you require federal assistance/welfare, if you do not support the theory of intelligent design, if you work for the public school system, if you are an immigrant, if English is not your first language, if you are a war veteran, if you are unemployed, if you are lower or middle-class, if you are an intellectual, if you are a scientist who does not bow to governmental or corporate pressures, if you are a person who is perceived as being "too entitled" or "too angry" for being a non-white/woman/homosexual/disabled/poor person--those in power right now do not have your best interests at heart. American "unity" is, at best, an aspiration; at worst, it is a complete lie. Supporting only the incredibly wealthy and the lucky is not unity: it is treasonous to the true spirit of this country.

The myth that we are a "post-race" or "post-gender" society has also grown since 9/11. The one problem with this myth is that it is simply untrue. Any member of a minority group who has come of age in American society knows this. Unfortunately, the "post" myth is spread far and wide by those in power and those who support them. Take, for example, Sarah Palin. She may be female, but she is not a feminist. She is acceptable as a female candidate for a powerful international position because she does not threaten the status quo: she is pretty, she is intensely right-wing, and she presents herself as "just a hockey mom." She fulfills several stereotypical white female roles: mother, accidental-public-figure-but-not-really and masturbation fodder. She is a shining paragon of unattainable femininity and female power, without any of that messy, entitled feminism stuff. She is radical in the sense that her policies are arch-conservative. She is a lion in a zebra suit.

The same lions in zebra suits are running the country now, and using 9/11 over and over again until we don't dare question that it was a day that "changed everything." Sadly, it feels like very little has changed. We are still as selfish and faux-innocent ("Why do they hate us?") as ever. We can go fight a war based on extremely dubious premises, but we cannot care for our own people in their times of need (see: economic recession, Hurricane Katrina). We can talk out of our asses about human rights in other countries, yet we can still torture people, or detain them, and it's okay because we are America. We can use 9/11 as a political and rhetorical tool, yet accuse our ideological opposites of doing the same crass thing.

Welcome to America: We almost learned a great big lesson, once. Unfortunately, it didn't ever stick.

Sarah Palin

2008-08-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

I posted this as a comment on a friend's Livejournal, but I am reposting it here because I: a.) need to update; and b.) feel strongly enough about this latest gaffe by McCain to write about it.

I'm betting that all of the Republican dudes are gonna be foaming at the mouth and/or crotch because Palin is not only female and ultra-conservative, but she's good-looking. Because apparently, a woman's first measure of how well she'll do in any field--particularly if it's a field in which she is in the public eye--is whether or not she's fuckable (Palin is a former beauty queen, and some internet d-bag has already provided a VPILF macro. CLASSY!).

The very sexism that doomed Clinton's run from the start (and I'm not a Clinton supporter at all, I'm just one of those humorless feminists, as y'all well know) is probably going to work very much in Palin's favor. That makes me sad, but not at all surprised.

The Outraged Commentary Pretty Much Writes Itself

2008-08-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

Wow! I didn't think I'd be feeling uber-white shame this week, but PUMA PAC has changed that! Thanks, PUMA PAC!

This is the sort of thing that makes many people of color NOT WANT TO TRUST WHITE FOLKS.

I AM Entitled, Actually...

2008-08-22T16:53:00.000-07:00

First, a question: Is there something in the air that has brought the concern trollz out in full force lately around the internet, particularly in progressive and/or feminist blogs?

Cara at Feministe did a great job of analyzing this horrific story about a woman with MS who was forced to crawl off of the Delta flight she was on after it landed, due entirely to the incompetence of the airline's employees.

From the second comment, the faux-cern started:

However, you also hear about these things all the time, so can you really blame people for being cold and weary of being “called into action”? And it’s not like all disabled people are saints- I’ve encountered a few that acted like they deserved more entitlements than the rest of the world just because they happen to have a mild defect that puts them in a wheelchair.

Really? I can't remember the last time I heard about something so epically horrendous. Maybe it's because I myself have a disability and have seen (and experienced) the disrespect/hatred that some able-bodied folks level at PWDs. Such treatment happens on a much smaller scale most of the time, and that is why most people don't hear about it.

Truly, this comment sounds like it was written by someone with almost zero experience with disability, chronic and/or dangerous health conditions, or actual people with disabilities--except for, ya know, all of those people this commenter has met who were in wheelchairs and acted so awful and angry and entitled and what have you, all because of their mild defects. They must have a lot of nerve to suggest that they deserve to be treated like normal human beings!

If you are sick of being "called into action," then you have a choice: Stay in your house and avoid human contact altogether. That way, you won't have any of us pesky, entitled disabled people whining for assistance and special treatment!

Here's the thing: I have a disability. I am also human. Like most other disabled folks, I am not a saint. I am certainly not a Super-Crip--I'm not here to make folks like the above commenter feel inspired and/or grateful to be alive and able-bodied. Like other human beings, I experience complicated, occasionally "messy" feelings such as anger. Like most human beings, I also realize that there are times and places for these feelings. However, I am still entitled to my feelings, and I am entitled to being treated like a human being instead of a (sometimes) walking stereotype--whether that stereotype is the Saint Crip, Super Crip or Token Crip.

All of us disabled folks are entitled to human treatment. We are not here for your inspiration. We are not here to make you feel better about yourself, or more superior to others because you can count us as "examples" of human potential. We are not here to make you feel like a hero because you're "just trying to help" by pushing our wheelchair, or recommending some weird-ass treatment for our condition(s) that totally helped your co-worker's brother's girlfriend. You are not superior to us, and we are not superior to you, though you may wish that one or the other could be the case.

We are human, and many of us would like to be treated as such, instead of dismissed as too much of some human quality, or qualities--too angry, too entitled, too un-able.

I Am the Worst Blogger Ever

2008-08-15T12:51:00.001-07:00

[This has been cross-posted to my Livejournal, and I felt like posting it here.]

There's an interesting post over at Feministe right now about low-wage work, struggling to get by, and related topics. There are some brutally honest (and heartbreaking) responses in the comments.

And then one person, who goes by the handle "Sensible," jumps in with this doozy:

Over the past few years, I’ve made between 18 and 24k and I live well. I live in a high COL area and spend nearly half my net income on rent and must tolerate a roommate. But I have enough left to eat grass-fed steak twice a week and wild-caught fish the rest of the week. Thanks Trader Joe’s! I even manage to save some money each month.

I don’t know why people are whining so much. I don’t want to live this way forever but as a young, healthy person, it’s fine. Living well is all about figuring out what things you value and spending money on them. For everything else, just skip it.

Because I'm an asshat, and because the above made my blood boil, I responded with this:

Maybe they’re “whining” because they are barely managing to survive and yet working their asses off?

Hmmm, so sorry that we’re not all like you due to various factors, Sensible. Not all of us are “healthy” (I include myself in this category, since I have a chronic illness, but am lucky enough to have insurance *and* I’m young–-youth is NOT a guarantor of perfect health!), and not all of us can afford to “figure out what things [we] value.” As many others in this thread have attested, when one lives paycheck-to-paycheck, much of that money is automatically allocated to things like food and rent.

Of course, there is no response yet. "Sensible's" comment really got on my nerves, and even though I posted the above response a few days ago, I am still thinking about that comment. I know my response was more biting than it needed to be, but I'm so sick of people assuming that just because they themselves can live on x, y, or z amount per year and still be thriving/very healthy/able to eat steak, everyone else can (and, it is implied, should aspire to do so) as well.

It feels kind of weird that comments like these really get to me. Is anyone else bugged by comments like "Sensible's," or comments/attitudes like it?

Anger as a Constructive Force

2008-08-07T11:49:00.001-07:00

I'm sure that many of you have heard variations on the following:

"You're just too angry. Your anger alienates people/potential allies and might make them afraid to associate with you! They won't want to be on your side because of your anger."

This statement, or a variation thereof, is often wielded at feminists, people of color (particularly women of color) radical progressives, non-mainstream members of the LGBTIQA community, disabled and chronically ill folks, atheists, fat acceptance activists, and others in order to get them to capitulate to some weird, unseen social standard that requires that they not offend anyone even as they fight to be heard and taken seriously, as well as for social and political justice.

There is a difference between being angry for its own sake, and turning one's anger into action. For whatever reason, mainstream Western culture has decided that people who have historically been put down, devalued and mistreated by those in the majority should fight for their rights, but they should "be nice" while they do so. The messages that historically devalued groups have to get across, even if said messages are quite radical, should apparently be palatable even to the people who have the most social currency in mainstream society. What's radical about that?

Anger makes people fundamentally uncomfortable, and I think that this discomfort often discourages constructive work. When those who need to express their anger, somehow, are not allowed to do so, the anger can become toxic. Instead of a catalyst for change, it becomes a symptom of a missed opportunity.

My own anger is something that I've just begun to embrace after years of stuffing it down and having it reappear at other times, often to my own detriment. Certainly, I may be too angry. I may indeed alienate people with some of my words. However, do I really want those who cannot "handle" what I have to say as allies, if I have to add, for example, rainbows and unicorns and puppies to my outlook on the world in order to make my outlook more palatable? No.

Anger, if used in a constructive manner, can be a great creative force. Most of the cartoons that I draw and have drawn start or started as brief doodles about things that make me or have made me angry. When I can create something that has been inspired by my own strong feelings, I feel much better and more able to cope with things such as my illness, and the physical pain and fatigue that come with it. When I take the opposite tack--that is, when I hold my anger in and don't do anything with it--I feel worse.

The mislabeling of anger as somehow not constructive or totally alienating to "allies" also reveals quite a bit of misunderstanding of social privilege, but I'll get into that in my next post.

Step Aside, Summer Blockbusters!

2008-07-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

I know that there must be some deep-seated psychological reason as to why I am so eager to see a fictionalized version of my country's nearly eight-year long nightmare onscreen, but I'll be damned if that's going to stop me from seeing this movie:

Forget Twilight and its surrounding hype, I'll be spending $10 on seeing this film!

Meanwhile, my intense dislike of George W. Bush is nicely balanced by my intense adoration of Patti Smith--and, rather awesomely, there is a film about her that is soon to be released:

[In case the embedded trailer above refuses to work, it is also viewable here.]

Mondo Video: Music Videos That I Don't Hate

2008-07-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

I have a complicated relationship with music videos. I remember seeing the video for Brandy and Monica's song "The Boy is Mine" when I was 11 years old or so, and thinking, "That's what I have to look forward to as a young woman--being in constant competition with other young women for boyfriends and the like? Ewww."

I saw the video for Garbage's "Push It" soon after, and found that I could relate to that video much more. The song was weird, the woman singing it was both in control and viciously beautiful (on her own terms, too!), and the video was completely bizarre. I found myself wishing that I could inhabit such an odd environment, one that did not seem available to the majority of women in music videos; often, the women in videos were reduced to sex toys for the male performers, or worse, singing almost exclusively about about their sexual capabilities. There were (and still are) obvious exceptions to this, but at that time, sex (or the appearance of it) sold. In many regards, sex still sells. (Try uttering that phrase three times fast.) For a more academic/media studies-esque view on this topic, check out Sut Jhally's excellent Dreamworlds 3: Desire, Sex and Power in Music Video.

If you'll allow me to indulge my nostalgic tendencies for a bit, here is Garbage's "Push It":

From around the same time period (late 1990s), here is Tori Amos's "Talula":

And another Tori video, this time for "Raspberry Swirl." It's sort of like the Garbage video in that it involves a weird alternate universe:

Tom Waits's "God's Away on Business." I might be an atheist, but damn do I love this song and its accompanying video (dig those ostriches!):

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' "Do You Love Me," which does some interesting things with gender (lots of drag queens):

And, to end, Alanis Morissette's latest video ("Underneath"). It is a bit cheesy, but I do like the special effects:

Happy Blogiversary...

2008-07-22T14:35:00.000-07:00

Winnie and I wish to congratulate my fabulous blog buddies Amandaw and OuyangDan, both of whom are celebrating their blogiversaries this week!

As you can see, Winnie is very happy about the blogiversaries of these two fantastic women:

Congrats to you both on your outstanding blogging, and here's to more of the same!

Mondo Video Friday: Lulz Edition

2008-07-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

In an effort to get myself to blog more, I'll be blogging every Friday about various video clips from around the internet that I find especially amusing, pertinent or thought-provoking. This week, the theme is "Videos that make me laugh because of their ineptitude." [Pro tip: If you get the lovely "This video is no longer available" error message, try reloading the page, or going straight to YouTube to watch the video. You can always use the back button on your browser to come back here for my acidic commentary.]

First, let's start off with Scarlett Johansson's video for "Falling Down," from her recently released and incredibly ill-advised collection of Tom Waits covers:

OH, SCARJO. She is such a talented actress--why she felt that she needed to get into the music industry is totally beyond me. Assuming that you already have a successful career, actual talent, lovely and youthful good looks, and millions of dollars, here are the ingredients that one needs to make something like ScarJo has done here:

1. Find a chronically underappreciated, unique musical talent who has been in the industry for decades, and claim his or her work as an "inspiration." If this person is famous for their lack of vocal talent, even better!

2. Make an entire album of covers of this person's songs. Be sure to drown all of the great songs that you select with crazy overproduction, as well as your own inability to carry a tune (don't worry too much about the latter; hopefully, with its evil twin, overproduction, no one will notice! Also, don't skimp when it comes to the pretension of the cover art!

3. To make the video, film some random shit, use your song as background music, and add liberal sprinklings of every young, trust fundy art school student film cliche ever, including: Lars von Trier-esque handheld camera work; shots of yourself looking variously pensive, bored, and vaguely anxious; cool-toned lighting; close-up shots of a process that no one finds particularly new or interesting; something to do with automobiles; overused time-lapse photography.

Stir. Serve chilled. Watch the money (or criticism) roll in! If you're lucky, iTunes might even invite you to contribute a live set to their series of "exclusive downloads"!

Next up, we have Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' video for "Stagger Lee," off of one of my desert island discs, Murder Ballads.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK, or for children, due to lots of swearing and just a bit of homoeroticism. It will come as a surprise to no one that I once wrote a term paper for a music class on the song, the video and the homoerotic dynamics of both (as usual, I read waaaaaay too much into both song and video and used Michel Foucault's seminal The History of Sexuality to support my argument). It's pretty clear as to why I chose to write about it:

Love the song, kind of love the video simply because it is so hilariously bad. Let me count the ways: Nick Cave's dancing, his silver pants, and his Take That! shirt; the fact that there are no women in this video, and yet everyone involved seems somewhat oblivious to the homoerotic subtext of both song and video; the video's complete irrelevance to the actual subject of the song.

I was also going to post that damn Katy Perry video that everyone seems to love, because I hate it, but it won't embed! Blast.

Just Allergies?

2008-07-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

Surely, there must be a better way to explain the allergic reactions that, periodically, send me into anaphylactic shock, along with a bunch of other crap. I experienced a particularly scary one a few nights ago, and had to go to the hospital.

Many people, when they hear the phrase "allergic reaction," automatically think of hay fever or something seasonal, or, at the very least, something very mild that can be magically solved with an antihistamine pill. My allergic reactions--the serious ones--have the potential to (as one ER doctor so bluntly put it to me a few years back) kill me. I have had these reactions off-and-on since the age of 14. They do not happen as frequently anymore, since some of the culprits ended up being certain foods; however, on occasion, these "attacks" still strike without any warning or wrongdoing (wrong-fooding?) on my part. As with many sudden health-related crises, they are terrifying.

Let me put it this way: These things usually start out with little twitches of something (or things) that is (or are) obviously not-quite-right. It may be the itchy feeling on or in my eyeballs, which causes them to feel like a particularly sneaky bug is creeping across the surface of my corneas. It might be--to put it gently--gastrointestinal distress, wherein what feels like a big-ass snake is eating its merry way through your lower intestines (and boy, does that one show up in colorful ways). It may be the firey, nails-on-chalkboard feeling that your lungs start to have; mere minutes later, you might not be able to breathe. All of these things may start within minutes of each other. Next: You cannot breathe. Forcing an antihistamine pill down your swollen gullet becomes akin to forcing a too-big bite of something down your throat; it can be done, but dammit, it takes a hell of a lot of work. The final touch of this "allergic reaction" may manifest in something that my mom, hilariously, calls "Homer Simpson eyes": your eye sockets will swell; they will look like purple and red-toned boils stuck to your face. In other words, you will not look human for a while, and you certainly will not feel human.

Those close to me--my family, my partner, and my close friends--take this matter seriously. They know what the signs are, and they certainly know that if I say that I need to go to the hospital, I mean it. Hospital staff, usually, also take these attacks seriously. I can, fortunately, count on one hand the number of times that I have had to yell (more accurately, wheeze) to an ignoramus desk clerk that this shit will kill me if they don't do something. If I were not white, or if I were poor, or without health insurance, the few times I've had to resort to such a gambit probably would not have worked. It is likely that I would not be typing this.

Some people do not take these reactions, and the resulting medication regimen in the days afterward, seriously. Let's see: There was a former friend of my family who had a "dream" that I was faking these attacks to get parental attention, and then, the next day (as if on cue!) called my mom up and told her this. My mom, to her credit, angrily hung up the phone and refused to speak to this person ever again. (I can't help but wonder what this former friend would think of my fibromyalgia! Ha.) There was the boss I had a few years ago who, after I had an attack at work (which she was not around to witness), accused me of conspiring to close her shop for the day by having an attack (nevermind that I worked full time for her, and had not missed a day of work before then) in order to get her to lose money. She also threatened to withhold payment if her store "lost money" as a result of my taking the day off after going to the ER and being put on a medication regimen that made me a less-than-effective salesperson. Now, this seemed ludicrous to me at the time, and it still does; why would anyone pre-mediate a serious allergic reaction, particularly if it would cause them pain and suffering?

The above examples make me very glad that some people will never have to experience serious health problems; good for them! I am, at present, extremely lucky to have a job where my superiors take the health and well-being of all of their employees seriously. I'm fully aware that I am extremely lucky to be in this sort of situation; many people are not so lucky. I believe that this needs to change.

I'm not entirely sure how to end this--my regimen of steroid pills seems to be kicking in, so I'm going to end this post. In sum: Allergic reactions can be serious business.

Another Hiatus From My Hiatus

2008-06-24T11:34:00.001-07:00

Hey, the trailer for another film that I sort of worked on is out! Click the "video" box on the IMDB page to see the trailer. You have to sit through an annoying M&Ms ad to see it, but the actual trailer is quite good, as far as trailers go.

Although I'm not sure when the film will actually be released, I'll post about it as soon as I find out.

yep.

2008-06-11T14:35:00.001-07:00

Yes, I do have a guest post up at Shakesville! Thanks for asking!

I've been having kind of a weird couple of days (thanks, bizarre weather!), so it was pretty amazing to read many of the comments and find that people are going through similar situations, or that my post has been at least a bit comforting to people.

the enemy within: wiscon, disability, and hatred

2008-05-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

here is a hiatus from my hiatus. [this was originally posted on my other blog; i've cleaned it up quite a bit so that there's not as much swearing.]

most of you have probably heard about the wiscon thing. in summary, for those who haven't: female SA forum-er and grad student (question: in what universe is this acceptable behavior for someone in grad school?) goes to wiscon, takes pictures of folks whom she can make fun of due to their perceived flaws--including fatness, disability, and being transgender--and then posts her whole "report" on something awful, complete with thinly disguised photos. people are upset, of course, and, sadly, it has devolved into some going so far as to send death threats to the original poster (which, in my view, is going too far). in case you're still confused, here's a roundup from some of the folks at journalfen. amptoons also has a great summary.

and please, prospective commenters, for your sanity and mine, DO NOT TRY TO TELL ME THAT SHE DIDN'T OR DOESN'T MEAN THIS SHIT, or that it isn't hurtful, or doesn't have concrete effects. it is so, so obvious to me that she meant this:

I remember how much I hate my fellow women, and then I go the whole rest of the year thankful that normal life is never this horrible.

and this:

The worst part for me is keeping silent while they [fat people at wiscon] claim that every doctor who tells you that being morbidly obese isn't fine for your health is being paid off by the pharmaceutical or diet companies.

and, by god, this:

Cynthia (a polyamorous woman in a group marriage with [the fake disease] fibromyalgia)

this was what really got me [awful grammar nonwithstanding!].

this comment just proves that if you don't have a "normal" body in this society, you are hated. it is okay, apparently, for people to mock you if you have a disability, particularly if they can't see it. if they can't see it, IT MUST BE FAKE. YOU ARE MAKING IT UP, so suck it up/take a tylenol/get out of bed/stop whining or otherwise making other people uncomfortable. hate towards non-normative bodies is very common and accepted in our society--and here is proof. additionally, i do not understand how this woman can call herself a feminist and also find it perfectly acceptable to mock other people because of their bodies, or their disability, or their gender identity. that is not feminist. sorry.

memo to op rachel moss: do your research (this should be easy for you, particularly since you're working your way toward a phd). fibro is not a disease. you can't catch it, although it would be kind of ironic if one could catch it, and then you or someone close to you did. then, perhaps you would think twice about talking out of your ass and posting your tripe on the internet. it's not "fake," either.

i hope i meet you one day, rachel moss, so that i can get you to understand that this condition is real, and that it changes peoples' lives. of course, since you make yourself sound like you're obviously in perfect health, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? maybe since i'm not fat (although, in your view, i might be), you might take what i have to say more seriously than what the fat people who have health problems such as fibromyalgia have said.

one can always hope.

there's more, of course, but i don't quite have the heart to tackle it all right now.

a hiatus, of sorts

2008-05-20T20:20:00.000-07:00

so here's why i haven't been around for a while: i fell about a week and a half ago (embarrassingly, i tripped over myself while walking from class and made a spectacularly hard landing on the pavement below) and now have to deal with a possible thumb-bone fracture. obviously, it's hard for me to type, but what's worse is that this whole thing has rendered me more disabled than usual.

i'll still be around (hopefully the doctors will figure out whether or not it's actually a hairline fracture soon!), but i probably won't be commenting around the blogosphere as much, or updating here until i make a full recovery from my fall.

until then: i feel honored to have been included in hoyden about town's femmostroppo top 40 for 2007. go read all of the posts included, because they are all fantastic! i know that's what i'll be doing, as reading is one of the things that i am able to do at this point.

Portrait of the Artist as a Young 'Mite

2008-05-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

By "mite," I mean "fibromite." This is sort of an unusual submission for the 37th Disability Blog Carnival. My thoughts have been scattered this week, as I've been having a moderate-to-massive fibro attack; since I drew this while I was in a ton of pain, it seemed like an appropriate thing to post.

BEHOLD, A SELF-PORTRAITY TYPE CARTOON AND ITS ARTIST! The quality isn't great, but you'll understand the idea (click to embiggen):

DESCRIPTION: Annaham (or half of her face, anyway) with her piece, which depicts a nude, hairy-legged young woman who stands against a white background. The woman has a rather confused look on her face. Needles pierce her body, and one of her wrists is secured in a chain that goes nowhere. Her fist is raised nonetheless. Awkward lumps of flesh form the woman's feet. Her torso is split open, revealing a broken column suspended in black sludge. The woman depicted here is obviously uncomfortable. Medium: Black ballpoint pen on college ruled-paper.

It doesn't have a title. I suppose that the general idea behind this piece is to convey to the viewer what being in near-constant pain is like, at least for me. [See if you can guess who my artistic influences have been and currently are!]

feminism: ur doin it wrong

2008-04-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

Amanda Marcotte and Seal Press, I'd like to dedicate this faildog (courtesy of http://faildogs.com) to y'all, for this doozy:

Because I, for one, found your apologies deficient. As Liss points out, Seal Press's apology smacks of "OMG TEH WOMEN OF COLOR IN THE BLOGOSPHERE TAKE EVERYTHING SOOOOO SERIOUSLY AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE IN THIS MESS." And do they really think that "diversity training" is going to help matters?

And while I do want to give Amanda some credit for attempting to admit her wrongdoing, her post still strikes me as having a weird tone, especially with this part: I can understand why anyone would choose to boycott a book with these images, and I respect that choice. Hopefully, once they are removed, people will reconsider supporting the book if they like the content. Something tells me that support of Amanda's book is the last thing that many of us may be thinking about, but I digress.

I have a copy of the book, which I purchased a few days before the whole BfP thing happened. It sits on my desk, unread.

It will probably be sitting on my desk for a while.

INVISIBLE WHITE PRIVILEGE!11 Rears Its Ugly Head, Again

2008-04-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

Frank Zappa, in his song "Trouble Every Day," had this to say (in part) regarding race relations:

Hey, you know something, people? I'm not black, but there are a whole lotta times that I wish I could say "I'm not white."

For me, this is one of those times.

Summary: Famous white feminist blogger doesn't give credit where credit is due in a piece on immigration for a major online progressive hub. Less famous woman of color blogger--who has been blogging on the topic for years, and is presumably read by FWFB--shuts down her blog in the face of all of this.

Everybody panics. White privilege in the progressive blogging world continues to be massively overlooked.

I want to give FWFB the benefit of the doubt, as I respect her as a blogger and as a writer. Caveat: As anyone who is familiar with Foucault knows, power works in many different ways. Many "smaller" bloggers don't get exposure due to a number of factors--and race, predictably, is one of these factors. As Holly says in the comments thread (she's also the author of the above post), when you are a progressive, feminist blogger with a big commentariat, you have certain responsibilities, particularly if you have unearned (ie: white) privilege. I agree.

Caveat Two: In the comments of the above linked post (which also has a much better summary than I've given here!), FWFB starts off by denying all of the accusations--instead of facing up to them--and then starts off on an incredible journey of shooting herself in both feet (must be read to be believed), which includes numerous rantings that people are out to get her.

I cannot give FWFB the benefit of the doubt based upon her behavior in the comment section of the above post. Is it so hard for people to own up when they've made a mistake and--*gasp*-- perhaps apologize for making said mistake, and then work on changing the behavior that led to the aforementioned mistake? Apparently so. It is telling that it seems particularly difficult for FWFB, the prominent white feminist blogger, to do so, even as she crusades against injustices of many kinds.

Step up, white feminist blogosphere, and start examining your own privilege. I'm going to start immediately.

ETA: I can't even bring myself to address the Seal Press/Blackamazon thing right now. I am too angry.

The NYT Still Kind of Sucks, Actually

2008-04-06T15:28:00.001-07:00

Apparently, I am still not missing anything by my lack of New York Times reading. This article pretty much made me want tear my hair out, and then maybe drop dead of a heart attack. Perhaps they would even consider writing an article about me!

In the blogging world that the NYT profiles, female bloggers--much less female tech bloggers--do not exist. Furthermore, blogging is figured in this article as lucrative, high-profile, and a viable job option. (This is not true for most of us.)

What really got me (and sweetmachine was struck by this as well) was the caption, stuck underneath a picture of a fashionably messy-haired young man slouching over a computer:

Matt Buchanan shows blogs may be a young man’s game.

Yup, ONE GUY shows that blogging is a "young man's" world, baby, and there ain't a damn thing that the rest of us can do about it. Older bloggers, people of color who blog, female bloggers, GLBTQ bloggers, non-able-bodied bloggers...hell, anyone who doesn't fit into the all-important category of male, white, able-bodied, straight, not overweight, and conventionally attractive (think about this: would the NYT have chosen an overweight, balding dude for the picture that accompanies the article?) DOES NOT MATTER in this article, and does not exist by virtue of omission.

This is exactly what people in my field of study mean when they talk about "violence by omission," or related terms--basically (and this is way oversimplified, mostly because my hands are starting to hurt**), when a group is omitted from mainstream representation, they, in some bizarre way, cease to exist in the minds of many. This is not to say that all of the targeted consumers of mass media are dupes, but for some, it may be inconceivable that blogs created by people who are not young, white, heterosexual, able-bodied, and attractive actually exist! Wow, what a concept.

So, thanks again, NYT, for continuing to perpetrate textual idiocy upon the nation! At the very least, the NYT has graciously given me something to blog about.

**See why I'm so ticked off about the whole able-bodied thing in particular? Sometimes, my lack of a perfectly healthy body prevents me from blogging. Horrors!

If Ryan Phillippe Doesn't Approve, Then Neither Can I.

2008-03-26T11:50:00.001-07:00

So, Shakes has started a project called Gayest Looks For Leno, explained here.

Here's my and Winston's "Gayest Look." Possibly not safe for work, due to obscene hand gesture.

In sum: Jay Leno, you are an asshat, and I heartily extend my middle finger to you, due to your continued idiocy. And I thought the muscles in my right middle finger were atrophied from non-use! Luckily for Leno, they work just fine.

You can see more folks contributing their "Gayest Looks" right here.

Armchair Psychoanalyst Powers, Activate!

2008-03-18T16:45:00.000-07:00

SCENE: Annaham stands at the bus stop at 10:30 AM, wearing a t-shirt, jeans, sneakers and a pair of retro sunglasses. Two nearly indistinguishable, white teenage boys with "stylish" asymmetrical haircuts and braces pull up to the curb in a silver BMW. One of them motions for Annaham to take off her headphones.

TEENAGE DRIVER [TO ANNAHAM]: Excuse me, we just heard on the radio that...escaped slaves from the mental hospital are running around town. And they're, like, killing people with stupid sunglasses!

The BOYS break into a series of high-pitched, irritating giggles that can only be described as Beavis and Butthead-meet-Pikachu. This continues for about a minute.

ANNAHAM is confused, and gives her trademark "you are irritating, stupid children, and you are also full of shit" look.

THE DRIVER of the vehicle gives ANNAHAM the middle finger. THE BOYS speed off, laughing.

*

This happened to me this morning.

Thanks for the entirely unnecessary middle school flashback, privileged teenage white boys! Did your parents refuse to pay for the repairs on your car after you drunkenly crashed it at the senior prom, and so you feel that you should--nay, must--take your antisocial whims out on complete strangers? Is your arguably newly formed "masculinity" so threatened by a short woman in retro sunglasses that you must make a joke to her about homicide? Tell me, o privileged teenage children, so that I may be better informed about the unfortunate and oh-so-hard lives that you lead. Obviously, you feel so superior to me that you feel entitled to make a joke about my death, even though you do not know me, and I do not know you.

I am playing the world's tiniest violin for you both.

[Sidenote: I'm reading Battle Royale right now, and the idea grows more and more appealing by the day.]

At This Time, Only LOLDOGS Are Appropriate

2008-03-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

image courtesy of IHASAHOTDOG.

The weather where I live is made of fail.

Yes, I'm having a fibro attack; yes, it is right before my school's finals week.

[/whine]

Y HALLO THAR LAZY POST

2008-02-26T21:05:00.001-08:00

Lindsay over at BABble has an interesting thought:

They want us to change our bodies because they think it's easier than changing their minds.

My riff on this was originally posted over at BigFatDelicious, but since I'm exhausted, here are my thoughts:

Basically, I agree totally with what both Lindsay and Mariellen have to say. I’ve noticed that people who are “healthy” (or say that they are) and who tell those of us with health problems that we’d be better if only we did x, y or z seem to have a similar bent to the anti-fat hysterics. I think some of it is definitely (as Mariellen pointed out) an excuse to be “right,” even if they actually aren’t right. I also think some of it, particularly when it comes to people with chronic health problems, or who are fat, is fear-based. The people who think they’re “right” and perfectly “healthy” because they eat right/exercise for four hours a day/bathe in the blood of baby sheep do not want to acknowledge that bad things happen, because they are afraid that if it can happen to other people, it could happen to them.

Unfortunately, for those people who equate “being healthy” with having higher moral ground, the thought that they, too, are susceptible to illness and bad things happening is TERRIFYING. This is such a culturally ingrained mode of thinking that YES, it *is* easier for some to expect us (fat people, chronically ill people, et cetera) to change our bodies. Changing one’s mind about this sort of thing--and the related issues--isn’t exactly encouraged in our culture.

Also, I was planning to write a gigantic post on why I am supportive of the Fat Acceptance and Health at Every Size movements, but I am exhausted. More on that later.

The Corporatocracy, They Lied to Me! HOW COULD THEY?!!11

2008-02-12T17:17:00.000-08:00

You know, I may feel like an idiot sometimes, but it takes little things to remind me that in the grand scheme of things, I'm not an idiot. Or at least I'm not responsible for horrific t-shirts such as the ones pictured here, or for this misguided, ridiculous ad campaign, which promotes a product that arguably smells like ass. This is not news, however; whenever I see some poor sap buy Axe, I feel a twinge of pity and a whole lotta vehement dislike.

Extra irony for extra lulz: Unilever, the company that owns Axe, is also responsible for the stupidly simplistic "Dove Campaign For Real Beauty" that nearly everyone was slobbering over, rather Pavlovianly, a few months back. It's true. More proof that in a corporatocracy such as ours, companies will resort to such tripe as talking out of both sides of their mouths to make a buck and/or make us believe that we have "free choice," or that supporting their "campaign for real beauty" constitutes some sort of radical act of self-esteem. Again, not really news, but sort of troubling nonetheless.

Oh, and Unilever also makes skin-whitening creams, which is apparently big business in countries like India. GO, UNIVERSAL WORSHIP OF WHITENESS!

Okay, enough commerciopolitical talk. My neck hurts. Off to rest.

Why I'm a Feminist, Part 7,568

2008-02-07T17:50:00.000-08:00

OMG, JOHN GALLIANO. Way to advocate for that equality between the sexes by having a fashion line inspired by violence against men, instead of the totally old and tired trope of violence against women! It's such a fresh viewpoint, isn't it?

Need I mention the obvious--namely, that TORTURE AND VIOLENCE AREN'T SEXY? But no publicity is bad publicity, I suppose. I don't care if this is some sort of "political commentary," like some have been saying. It is still using violence to sell something (in this case, $100 underpants, $300 t-shirts, or what have you), which is just all kinds of wrong for reasons that I don't have time to get into here. It is still in poor taste, and my guess is that some people won't get what's so very wrong with this sort of display, and just default to something like, "But his clothes are so great."

Stay classy, fashion industry!

Quote of the Day

2008-02-01T17:33:00.000-08:00

Early-20s male nerd, on cell phone and angrily, loudly yelling: "They shouldn't have used CGI...yeah, for Happily N'Ever After! I'm telling you, it ruined the entire film!"

Overheard by me, at my university, near the student union building.

Conservative Gays Say the DARNDEST Things!

2008-01-25T14:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Andrew Sullivan,

You may be a queen, but that doesn't make you Queen of the Feminists.

Warmest regards,
annaham

EDIT: Dana Goldstein has more.

Open Call For Submissions!

2008-01-20T14:04:00.000-08:00

Crossposted like hell. Mainly, though, I'm posting it again here for the benefit of those who read my blog, but may not have seen it yet. And if anyone wants to link the blog, please leave a comment either here or at the blog with your blog or site, and I will be sure to link back. Questions? Email me by clicking the "Contact" link at top left, or leave a comment to this post.

OPEN CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: FACES OF FIBRO

The new Faces of Fibro blog has been created, in part, to combat the backlash from recent U.S. print media articles that question the very existence of this condition. I hope to create an archive of the stories, images and experiences of people with fibromyalgia.

Here are some very general submission guidelines:

I want to hear about your experiences with this illness, in 500-900 words. Here are some sample topics to get you thinking (and writing):

--How/when were you first diagnosed?
--What has been the biggest challenge so far in dealing with your condition?
--What have your experiences with telling other people that you have this condition been like?
--Do you believe that there is a stereotype of people with chronic health conditions? If so, how do you personally fit or not fit this stereotype?

These are just sample topics. You can write about any aspect of fibro and your experiences with it, really.

Please email your submissions to faces.of.fibro AT gmail dot com. You may submit under a pseudonym, but use an actual name, please. Pending approval, I will have your submissions up on the blog in as timely a manner as possible. If you want to include a picture of yourself, it is welcome and encouraged. (Max of 350 X 500 pixels, please.) If you have a website or blog that you would like to be linked after your piece, or biographical details that you would like to include at the bottom of your piece, please send either of those with your submission as well.

I look forward to reading your responses!

HAY GUYZ, Guess What's Back en vogue?

2008-01-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

Being an asshole for the express purpose of getting more hits on your blog! YES!

Memo to people who think they know everything: YOU. DO. NOT. I don't have Restless Leg Syndrome, but do I say that it's not a "real" illness? No. Because people's experiences--bodily and otherwise--are different. Just because you've been blessed with perfect health, or that the maladies that you've experienced aren't met with outright mockery, quit-whining-and-pull yourself-up-by-your bootstraps-rhetoric, or disbelief doesn't mean that all of us have been so lucky.

I didn't think I'd be using the "dumbass" tag quite so much, but there it is.

People With Fibromyalgia: I Need Your Input!

2008-01-16T11:03:00.000-08:00

Since the does-fibro-exist-or-not debate seems to be back en vogue, I'm thinking of starting a blog or website with the images and stories of people with this condition, just to show the world that we're not all middle-aged white women, as the recent NYT article seemed to imply. Also, I've heard from several people that the (fairly) new Lyrica ad is a tad troubling, as it portrays people with fibro as "victims." Y/N?

I could use your thoughts/input/suggestions. Also, if any of you bloggers with fibro want to help me run this thing, that would be awesome.

EDIT: I did it anyway. Submissions are needed! :D

I Don't Need Another Reason to Dislike the New York Times, But Here's One More!

2008-01-14T14:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Mainstream Media,

When you care to shine your lovely spotlight on chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia, please employ journalistic discretion in order to make sure you're not doing it wrong, unlike the New York Times.

Let's go through this article line-by-blame-y-line!

But other doctors — including the one who wrote the 1990 paper that defined fibromyalgia but who has since changed his mind — say that the disease does not exist and that Lyrica and the other drugs will be taken by millions of people who do not need them.

OH MY GOD, EVERYBODY PANIC. Certainly, diseases can be misdiagnosed. Does this mean that everyone who's been diagnosed with fibromyalgia has been misdiagnosed? No.

As diagnosed, fibromyalgia primarily affects middle-aged women and is characterized by chronic, widespread pain of unknown origin.

Damn those uppity women and their bitching! Hey, NYT, you forgot to mention fatigue, muscle pain, joint pain, difficulty sleeping...et cetera. You've got to be able to do better than this horseshit that you call "reporting." Oh, you can't? :(

Those figures are sharply disputed by those doctors who do not consider fibromyalgia a medically recognizable illness and who say that diagnosing the condition actually worsens suffering by causing patients to obsess over aches that other people simply tolerate.

HAY GUYS WE'RE SUCH REBELS IN TEH MEDICAL COMMUNITY CUZ WE SAY FIBRO DUZN'T XIST. UR PAIN IS NOT REAL SO QUIT UR BITCHING, K THX. Also, take note of the special, piping-hot side of crispy "othering" present in this excerpt! Mmmmm-mmm, good!

And drug companies are aggressively pursuing fibromyalgia treatments, seeing the potential for a major new market.

Not this "all drug companies are EVIL!!!11" stuff again. Also, just because they're marketing to me doesn't mean I'm automatically going to switch to their new meds immediately and without planning or consideration. As GOB Bluth might say, "Come ON."

Ms. Matallana said she had suffered from fibromyalgia since 1993. At one point, the pain kept her bedridden for two years, she said.

I like how they only interview one person with the condition, and one doctor who "believes" that it exists. Also, note the "she said." Not "she experienced pain," but "she said."

But doctors who are skeptical of fibromyalgia say vague complaints of chronic pain do not add up to a disease.

Yes, because the described experiences of thousands of people with this condition are all "vague." These "debunkers" need to get a copy of Elaine Scarry's The Body in Pain and read it, stat.

The diagnosis of fibromyalgia itself worsens the condition by encouraging people to think of themselves as sick and catalog their pain, said Dr. Nortin Hadler, a rheumatologist and professor of medicine at the University of North Carolina who has written extensively about fibromyalgia.

Oh, really? I actually felt quite a bit *better* when I got a diagnosis after almost a year of not knowing what the hell was the matter with me, and going to doctor after doctor--none of whom could figure it out. For those of you who have never experienced serious pain, "cataloging" it can help people deal with and manage it. This is not the same thing as your life revolving around your pain.

Wait, IT GETS BETTER:

“These people live under a cloud,” he [Dr. Hadler] said. “And the more they seem to be around the medical establishment, the sicker they get.”

No, this doesn't sound like the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as "yuppie flu" debunkers AT ALL. And Dr. Hadler, I suggest YOU try living with an illness that makes you feel like you're either being crushed by a giant hand or too tired to stand. Take your pick.

Most people “manage to get through life with some vicissitudes, but we adapt,” said Dr. George Ehrlich, a rheumatologist and an adjunct professor at the University of Pennsylvania. “People with fibromyalgia do not adapt.”

Awesome! I was wondering when our old friend, "If You Do Not Live JUST LIKE ME, There is Something Wrong With You" bias was going to show up! People who say this sort of thing never seem to take into account that different people adapt in different ways, OMG. And hey, Dr. Erlich? I have fibromyalgia, and I think I have managed to "adapt" to things just fine. Let me give you a few examples from my own life: I go to school full-time, have a job as a writing tutor, am on the Dean's List [at a school that has made the U.S. News & World Report list of top public universities in the U.S., no less], am currently working on an honors thesis which examines, among other things, media "othering" and bias, AND I HAVE FIBROMYALGIA. HOLY SHIT! I'M, LIKE, A STATISTICAL IMPROBABILITY! TEE HEE!

There's another page to the article, but it mostly covers the theme of "DRUG COMPANIES ARE TRYING TO PREY ON PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE THIS ILLNESS THAT ACTUALLY MIGHT NOT EXIST."

This article stands as incredible proof of the sometimes "hidden" bias of the supposed bastions of our democracy, the mainstream press. Yes, I know this makes me sound like some sort of tinfoil-outfitted conspiracy nut, but if you just take the time to look, I'm pretty sure this sort of biased language pops up in all kinds of articles about various health conditions--including other invisible illnesses, and everyone's favorite scapegoat, the obesity "crisis."

So, MSM, please take this as a cautionary warning. The NYT, in this article, went about portraying fibromyalgia as the distinct medical domain of whiners, potentially drugged-out misdiagnosees, and uppitee wimmins. For your sanity, and the sanity of those who are affected by invisible chronic conditions, please approach this topic with some degree of sensitivity and neutrality.

Regards,
annaham

EDITRON 5000! Lindsay has more.

They're in Our Schools--Everybody PANIC!

2007-12-30T15:16:00.000-08:00

The only thing that bothers me more than a crappily-written news item focusing on a person with a disability is when the comments to said news item are so full of vitriol and outright hatred.

A quick sampling of some of the reader responses--unfortunately, copied verbatim from the website, errors and all:

God bless this family.... reminds me that any of my struggles are really nothing in the scheme of things!

THIS STORY JUST MAKE ME SO SICK.! HOW CAN ANYONE ASK ANOTHER HUMAN BEING TO STAND BACK AND WATCH A PERSON DIE?

Just why are they shipping her off to school? I'd want to spend the final time with her. They risk not being there when she dies, and having the poor childs last moments be in a school nurses office. I sympathize with the parents, but disagree with their actions of shipping the kid off to school!!

How dare the SELFISH parents send this child to school KNOWING full well she is putting the school staff, classmates and the entire school in a position of standing idly by and watching a child die without providing any help. This can traumatize the entire school body in the event she dies there. How dare the parents subject the other children, teachers, staff and people at the school to this form of child abuse. The parents need to keep the child AT HOME instead of subjecting others to their SELFISH intents.

So why are they sending this child to school? I don't get it! I'm sure their lives are painful, but what is the point of sending a child that is this handicapped to school, risking that her classmates, teachers, and staff may have to stand around and watch her die. If they want her to have human contact, there are other ways. One of my sister's classmates died in the classroom on the first day of school. 30 years later, it still bothers her. Think of the other children and how this affects them.

If the parents truly cared about children they would keep her at home and keep this as a private family matter instead of making it a public issue and forcing the public school system into fulfilling their barbaric desires at the expense of other children.

There are commenters who are actually tactful and have some knowledge about the issues brought up in the article, but the majority do not.

Speaking as a disabled individual with mild cerebral palsy as one of the things with which I share my body, the reactions on the Tribune website are just more proof that if you think you know about what life with a disability is like, or about people with disabilities, or about the decisions that the families of disabled individuals sometimes must make, even though you do not have a disability yourself, it's more than likely that you have no goddamn idea what you're talking about. (Particularly over the internet, but that's a whole other post!)

Education is a RIGHT in this country. Everyone, no matter what sort of medical issues they may be dealing with, has a right to public education. Perhaps the parents of this child cannot afford in-home care, private tutoring, or other luxuries. Maybe the parents don't want to keep their child isolated from other children--certainly, she *may* die while at school, but what about maintaining some semblance of a life that is not full of doctors, hospitals, and specialists? If young Katie enjoys school, there is no reason that she should not be there--even if it is at the "expense" of the other children.

I'm so tired of hearing about how the mere PRESENCE of disabled individuals--especially children--affects other, presumably "normal" individuals. I heard this reasoning throughout my childhood (in much cruder language, of course; and my CP-afflicted, limping left foot, in addition to my quietness, was often the cause of much commentary from fellow students), and that caused more "damage" than most "normal" people seem to be aware of. My experiences don't bring up as many outright political/right-to-life issues as those of Katie and her family, but the sanctimonious, handwringing over the "well-being" of the other kids, Helen Lovejoy (of "Won't someone PLEASE think of the children!?!" fame) crap makes me incredibly angry, especially as a disabled person who has faced the ignorant attitudes of people who are not disabled.

Newsflash, folks: We exist, and we have as much right to be on this planet (and in your schools) as you do.

BrownFemiPower, CripChick, and BintAlshamsa have some more perspective on all of this, unlike a fair number of the commenters on the Tribune piece.

A Ridiculous Situation

2007-12-29T15:53:00.000-08:00

Alanis Morissette, who is one of my favorite musicians, will be touring the U.S. this spring. One stop is in the Bay Area, which is rather close to where I live, on March 12th, which is my birthday.

However, on said tour, she is opening for Matchbox 20, which I consider to be one of the worst musical groups of all time. I cannot stand them. I believe they are dull, wholly uninspiring, and somewhat irritating. Hearing the opening chords of any of their songs makes me want to do two things in a very specific order: Cry, and then punch out my eardrums with the nearest sharp object that will fit into the human ear canal. I know some would say the same about Alanis, but at least she didn't record that annoying song with Santana (the one that has been overplayed about 100 million times since its release. In fact, I heard it yesterday while I was out to lunch, and all I could think was, "God, this song makes me livid, simply because it is so bad").

This makes me absolutely bummed. I really don't want to pay through the nose just to see her opening set, but she's quite a performer, and I've never been disappointed by her shows in the past. Does my unwillingness to throw down money for this make any sense? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Quick Thoughts on the S.F. Zoo Tiger Mauling

2007-12-28T15:36:00.000-08:00

After reading initial reports on the recent San Francisco Zoo tiger mauling that killed one 17 year-old and caused the two other boys that were with him to be injured, I have to wonder: Where does personal responsibility fit into a situation like this?

Certainly, the zoo is responsible for the tiger's enclosure not being quite up to the height standards set by whatever organization sets said standards, but there is something to be said for common (human) sense on the part of visitors to the Zoo. Just because an animal is enclosed does not mean that it lacks the capacity to react to human stupidity.

I'm aware of the old "don't speak ill of the dead" chestnut, but it seems to me that the young men who were injured by this animal should have known better--that taunting a potentially dangerous animal (even if it is enclosed) by throwing sticks and pine cones at it is, at best, completely stupid and perhaps cruel, and at worst, fatal. Additionally, I'm no PETA militant, but how many of us had it implanted into our skulls from an early age that being mean to animals (or other "helpless") creatures is not okay? I can only hope that most of us learned such a lesson early, but perhaps the young men variously killed and injured during the tiger attack were not so lucky. The tiger was simply responding with its natural instinct--which was, presumably, to fight back when confronted.

Here is an interesting article from Newsweek on tiger behavior, in case anyone is interested in that sort of thing.

SUNDAY LINKS ROUNDUP!

2007-12-09T11:06:00.000-08:00

Stuff that you should read, from around the blogosphere:

--At Feline Formal Shorts, Magniloquence has a fantastic post about continued "escalation," and the continued excusing of racially-motivated incidents as "just jokes."

--Rio reminds us of the harsh realities of foodphobia.

--Rachel of The F Word has an amazing post on the importance of perspective.

--Lauredhel of Hoyden About Town has a very informative (and somewhat terrifying) post on Livejournal's changing ownership yet again.

--Hugo posts on systemic exploitation, in the forms of sex workers' bodies and farm workers' bodies.

--Lindsay considers this year's "THERE'S A WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!11"-esque holiday freakout, which is: Is overweight, cookie-crunching Santa a bad role model for children?

--vesta44 has an incredible post on fashion, femininity, and the matter of "artificiality".

Read 'em.

Today in Useless Blog Posts Written by AnnaHam

2007-12-03T17:34:00.001-08:00

Does anyone else think that this picture of Pat Robertson is rather, well, Applewhite-esque?

IM IN UR FORMUR AWLTURNATIV RELIGINS LOOKIN LIKE UR DED LEADURZ

This post has been brought to you by Shakes, and also the fact that I'm about to work on my thesis, which is ALL ABOUT HEAVEN'S GATE.

Y'all find this so interesting, I know. The good news is that Robertson is retiring! The bad news is that this post was more than a bit pointless.

The Perils of Being "Stuck" When it Comes to Blogging

2007-12-01T13:09:00.000-08:00

I have decided to confess something. I'm posting this with some trepidation--after all, what person enjoys admitting their flaws and/or weaknesses?

I am stuck.

Specifically, I am stuck on what to blog about, and, to a larger extent, what to write about. There are a lot of things that piss me off, that anger me, that make me want to punch those responsible square in the face, but this is not the "What Pisses AnnaHam Off" blog. I could also take the opposite approach and blog about things that I am grateful for, or things that I love to do, but this isn't the "Happy Fun Glurgy Oprah-esque Reflection Time With AnnaHam" blog. Ideally, I would balance the two, but the fact is that [3-4, at most] people read this blog regularly, and in a way, I am still working out my "identity" as a blogger. Oftentimes, I find myself questioning whether or not I actually have the wherewithall or level of awesome-ness to blog at all. Is what I have to say interesting? Does it make people think, or question assumptions that they may have had before reading my posts? Do some who felt misunderstood, marginalized, or alone before feel at least a modicum better after reading something that I have written? I would hope that the answer to all of these questions is somewhat in the affirmative, but despite the mostly positive feedback that I do get, there will always be a wee voice in the back of my mind that constantly screeches NO!

This feeling is extending out into my academic life as well. I have no doubt that I'll be able to come out of being "stuck" with my academic work soon enough, as it is nearing the end of the term, and I almost always go through a phase where being stuck is part of the territory. I've been through it before, I know it's not the most fun thing to go through, and I know I will get through it, but, like any non-fatal human trial, it is hard to realize that you will survive--that you will get out of it--when you're mired in the thick, peanut-buttery consistence of it all. If I had to pick out one "positive" lesson that dealing with ongoing health problems--fibromyalgia and severe depression, specifically--has enlightened me to, it would be just that: I know I'll get through the worst of it, goddammit, but I sure as hell can't see that right now! [Sidenote: This also happens to be the only positive thing about my experiences with chronic health conditions, LOLZ.]

So, my question for EVERYONE who is reading this right now: How do YOU go about getting "unstuck," whether in your writing/blogging life, or in your personal life?

Also, it's World AIDS Day today. Just thought I should point that out.