Since the does-fibro-exist-or-not debate seems to be back en vogue, I'm thinking of starting a blog or website with the images and stories of people with this condition, just to show the world that we're not all middle-aged white women, as the recent NYT article seemed to imply. Also, I've heard from several people that the (fairly) new Lyrica ad is a tad troubling, as it portrays people with fibro as "victims." Y/N?
I could use your thoughts/input/suggestions. Also, if any of you bloggers with fibro want to help me run this thing, that would be awesome.
EDIT: I did it anyway. Submissions are needed! :D
16 January, 2008
14 January, 2008
I Don't Need Another Reason to Dislike the New York Times, But Here's One More!
Dear Mainstream Media,
When you care to shine your lovely spotlight on chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia, please employ journalistic discretion in order to make sure you're not doing it wrong, unlike the New York Times.
Let's go through this article line-by-blame-y-line!
But other doctors — including the one who wrote the 1990 paper that defined fibromyalgia but who has since changed his mind — say that the disease does not exist and that Lyrica and the other drugs will be taken by millions of people who do not need them.
OH MY GOD, EVERYBODY PANIC. Certainly, diseases can be misdiagnosed. Does this mean that everyone who's been diagnosed with fibromyalgia has been misdiagnosed? No.
As diagnosed, fibromyalgia primarily affects middle-aged women and is characterized by chronic, widespread pain of unknown origin.
Damn those uppity women and their bitching! Hey, NYT, you forgot to mention fatigue, muscle pain, joint pain, difficulty sleeping...et cetera. You've got to be able to do better than this horseshit that you call "reporting." Oh, you can't? :(
Those figures are sharply disputed by those doctors who do not consider fibromyalgia a medically recognizable illness and who say that diagnosing the condition actually worsens suffering by causing patients to obsess over aches that other people simply tolerate.
HAY GUYS WE'RE SUCH REBELS IN TEH MEDICAL COMMUNITY CUZ WE SAY FIBRO DUZN'T XIST. UR PAIN IS NOT REAL SO QUIT UR BITCHING, K THX. Also, take note of the special, piping-hot side of crispy "othering" present in this excerpt! Mmmmm-mmm, good!
And drug companies are aggressively pursuing fibromyalgia treatments, seeing the potential for a major new market.
Not this "all drug companies are EVIL!!!11" stuff again. Also, just because they're marketing to me doesn't mean I'm automatically going to switch to their new meds immediately and without planning or consideration. As GOB Bluth might say, "Come ON."
Ms. Matallana said she had suffered from fibromyalgia since 1993. At one point, the pain kept her bedridden for two years, she said.
I like how they only interview one person with the condition, and one doctor who "believes" that it exists. Also, note the "she said." Not "she experienced pain," but "she said."
But doctors who are skeptical of fibromyalgia say vague complaints of chronic pain do not add up to a disease.
Yes, because the described experiences of thousands of people with this condition are all "vague." These "debunkers" need to get a copy of Elaine Scarry's The Body in Pain and read it, stat.
The diagnosis of fibromyalgia itself worsens the condition by encouraging people to think of themselves as sick and catalog their pain, said Dr. Nortin Hadler, a rheumatologist and professor of medicine at the University of North Carolina who has written extensively about fibromyalgia.
Oh, really? I actually felt quite a bit *better* when I got a diagnosis after almost a year of not knowing what the hell was the matter with me, and going to doctor after doctor--none of whom could figure it out. For those of you who have never experienced serious pain, "cataloging" it can help people deal with and manage it. This is not the same thing as your life revolving around your pain.
Wait, IT GETS BETTER:
“These people live under a cloud,” he [Dr. Hadler] said. “And the more they seem to be around the medical establishment, the sicker they get.”
No, this doesn't sound like the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as "yuppie flu" debunkers AT ALL. And Dr. Hadler, I suggest YOU try living with an illness that makes you feel like you're either being crushed by a giant hand or too tired to stand. Take your pick.
Most people “manage to get through life with some vicissitudes, but we adapt,” said Dr. George Ehrlich, a rheumatologist and an adjunct professor at the University of Pennsylvania. “People with fibromyalgia do not adapt.”
Awesome! I was wondering when our old friend, "If You Do Not Live JUST LIKE ME, There is Something Wrong With You" bias was going to show up! People who say this sort of thing never seem to take into account that different people adapt in different ways, OMG. And hey, Dr. Erlich? I have fibromyalgia, and I think I have managed to "adapt" to things just fine. Let me give you a few examples from my own life: I go to school full-time, have a job as a writing tutor, am on the Dean's List [at a school that has made the U.S. News & World Report list of top public universities in the U.S., no less], am currently working on an honors thesis which examines, among other things, media "othering" and bias, AND I HAVE FIBROMYALGIA. HOLY SHIT! I'M, LIKE, A STATISTICAL IMPROBABILITY! TEE HEE!
There's another page to the article, but it mostly covers the theme of "DRUG COMPANIES ARE TRYING TO PREY ON PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE THIS ILLNESS THAT ACTUALLY MIGHT NOT EXIST."
This article stands as incredible proof of the sometimes "hidden" bias of the supposed bastions of our democracy, the mainstream press. Yes, I know this makes me sound like some sort of tinfoil-outfitted conspiracy nut, but if you just take the time to look, I'm pretty sure this sort of biased language pops up in all kinds of articles about various health conditions--including other invisible illnesses, and everyone's favorite scapegoat, the obesity "crisis."
So, MSM, please take this as a cautionary warning. The NYT, in this article, went about portraying fibromyalgia as the distinct medical domain of whiners, potentially drugged-out misdiagnosees, and uppitee wimmins. For your sanity, and the sanity of those who are affected by invisible chronic conditions, please approach this topic with some degree of sensitivity and neutrality.
Regards,
annaham
EDITRON 5000! Lindsay has more.
When you care to shine your lovely spotlight on chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia, please employ journalistic discretion in order to make sure you're not doing it wrong, unlike the New York Times.
Let's go through this article line-by-blame-y-line!
But other doctors — including the one who wrote the 1990 paper that defined fibromyalgia but who has since changed his mind — say that the disease does not exist and that Lyrica and the other drugs will be taken by millions of people who do not need them.
OH MY GOD, EVERYBODY PANIC. Certainly, diseases can be misdiagnosed. Does this mean that everyone who's been diagnosed with fibromyalgia has been misdiagnosed? No.
As diagnosed, fibromyalgia primarily affects middle-aged women and is characterized by chronic, widespread pain of unknown origin.
Damn those uppity women and their bitching! Hey, NYT, you forgot to mention fatigue, muscle pain, joint pain, difficulty sleeping...et cetera. You've got to be able to do better than this horseshit that you call "reporting." Oh, you can't? :(
Those figures are sharply disputed by those doctors who do not consider fibromyalgia a medically recognizable illness and who say that diagnosing the condition actually worsens suffering by causing patients to obsess over aches that other people simply tolerate.
HAY GUYS WE'RE SUCH REBELS IN TEH MEDICAL COMMUNITY CUZ WE SAY FIBRO DUZN'T XIST. UR PAIN IS NOT REAL SO QUIT UR BITCHING, K THX. Also, take note of the special, piping-hot side of crispy "othering" present in this excerpt! Mmmmm-mmm, good!
And drug companies are aggressively pursuing fibromyalgia treatments, seeing the potential for a major new market.
Not this "all drug companies are EVIL!!!11" stuff again. Also, just because they're marketing to me doesn't mean I'm automatically going to switch to their new meds immediately and without planning or consideration. As GOB Bluth might say, "Come ON."
Ms. Matallana said she had suffered from fibromyalgia since 1993. At one point, the pain kept her bedridden for two years, she said.
I like how they only interview one person with the condition, and one doctor who "believes" that it exists. Also, note the "she said." Not "she experienced pain," but "she said."
But doctors who are skeptical of fibromyalgia say vague complaints of chronic pain do not add up to a disease.
Yes, because the described experiences of thousands of people with this condition are all "vague." These "debunkers" need to get a copy of Elaine Scarry's The Body in Pain and read it, stat.
The diagnosis of fibromyalgia itself worsens the condition by encouraging people to think of themselves as sick and catalog their pain, said Dr. Nortin Hadler, a rheumatologist and professor of medicine at the University of North Carolina who has written extensively about fibromyalgia.
Oh, really? I actually felt quite a bit *better* when I got a diagnosis after almost a year of not knowing what the hell was the matter with me, and going to doctor after doctor--none of whom could figure it out. For those of you who have never experienced serious pain, "cataloging" it can help people deal with and manage it. This is not the same thing as your life revolving around your pain.
Wait, IT GETS BETTER:
“These people live under a cloud,” he [Dr. Hadler] said. “And the more they seem to be around the medical establishment, the sicker they get.”
No, this doesn't sound like the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as "yuppie flu" debunkers AT ALL. And Dr. Hadler, I suggest YOU try living with an illness that makes you feel like you're either being crushed by a giant hand or too tired to stand. Take your pick.
Most people “manage to get through life with some vicissitudes, but we adapt,” said Dr. George Ehrlich, a rheumatologist and an adjunct professor at the University of Pennsylvania. “People with fibromyalgia do not adapt.”
Awesome! I was wondering when our old friend, "If You Do Not Live JUST LIKE ME, There is Something Wrong With You" bias was going to show up! People who say this sort of thing never seem to take into account that different people adapt in different ways, OMG. And hey, Dr. Erlich? I have fibromyalgia, and I think I have managed to "adapt" to things just fine. Let me give you a few examples from my own life: I go to school full-time, have a job as a writing tutor, am on the Dean's List [at a school that has made the U.S. News & World Report list of top public universities in the U.S., no less], am currently working on an honors thesis which examines, among other things, media "othering" and bias, AND I HAVE FIBROMYALGIA. HOLY SHIT! I'M, LIKE, A STATISTICAL IMPROBABILITY! TEE HEE!
There's another page to the article, but it mostly covers the theme of "DRUG COMPANIES ARE TRYING TO PREY ON PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE THIS ILLNESS THAT ACTUALLY MIGHT NOT EXIST."
This article stands as incredible proof of the sometimes "hidden" bias of the supposed bastions of our democracy, the mainstream press. Yes, I know this makes me sound like some sort of tinfoil-outfitted conspiracy nut, but if you just take the time to look, I'm pretty sure this sort of biased language pops up in all kinds of articles about various health conditions--including other invisible illnesses, and everyone's favorite scapegoat, the obesity "crisis."
So, MSM, please take this as a cautionary warning. The NYT, in this article, went about portraying fibromyalgia as the distinct medical domain of whiners, potentially drugged-out misdiagnosees, and uppitee wimmins. For your sanity, and the sanity of those who are affected by invisible chronic conditions, please approach this topic with some degree of sensitivity and neutrality.
Regards,
annaham
EDITRON 5000! Lindsay has more.
30 December, 2007
They're in Our Schools--Everybody PANIC!
The only thing that bothers me more than a crappily-written news item focusing on a person with a disability is when the comments to said news item are so full of vitriol and outright hatred.
A quick sampling of some of the reader responses--unfortunately, copied verbatim from the website, errors and all:
God bless this family.... reminds me that any of my struggles are really nothing in the scheme of things!
THIS STORY JUST MAKE ME SO SICK.! HOW CAN ANYONE ASK ANOTHER HUMAN BEING TO STAND BACK AND WATCH A PERSON DIE?
Just why are they shipping her off to school? I'd want to spend the final time with her. They risk not being there when she dies, and having the poor childs last moments be in a school nurses office. I sympathize with the parents, but disagree with their actions of shipping the kid off to school!!
How dare the SELFISH parents send this child to school KNOWING full well she is putting the school staff, classmates and the entire school in a position of standing idly by and watching a child die without providing any help. This can traumatize the entire school body in the event she dies there. How dare the parents subject the other children, teachers, staff and people at the school to this form of child abuse. The parents need to keep the child AT HOME instead of subjecting others to their SELFISH intents.
So why are they sending this child to school? I don't get it! I'm sure their lives are painful, but what is the point of sending a child that is this handicapped to school, risking that her classmates, teachers, and staff may have to stand around and watch her die. If they want her to have human contact, there are other ways. One of my sister's classmates died in the classroom on the first day of school. 30 years later, it still bothers her. Think of the other children and how this affects them.
If the parents truly cared about children they would keep her at home and keep this as a private family matter instead of making it a public issue and forcing the public school system into fulfilling their barbaric desires at the expense of other children.
There are commenters who are actually tactful and have some knowledge about the issues brought up in the article, but the majority do not.
Speaking as a disabled individual with mild cerebral palsy as one of the things with which I share my body, the reactions on the Tribune website are just more proof that if you think you know about what life with a disability is like, or about people with disabilities, or about the decisions that the families of disabled individuals sometimes must make, even though you do not have a disability yourself, it's more than likely that you have no goddamn idea what you're talking about. (Particularly over the internet, but that's a whole other post!)
Education is a RIGHT in this country. Everyone, no matter what sort of medical issues they may be dealing with, has a right to public education. Perhaps the parents of this child cannot afford in-home care, private tutoring, or other luxuries. Maybe the parents don't want to keep their child isolated from other children--certainly, she *may* die while at school, but what about maintaining some semblance of a life that is not full of doctors, hospitals, and specialists? If young Katie enjoys school, there is no reason that she should not be there--even if it is at the "expense" of the other children.
I'm so tired of hearing about how the mere PRESENCE of disabled individuals--especially children--affects other, presumably "normal" individuals. I heard this reasoning throughout my childhood (in much cruder language, of course; and my CP-afflicted, limping left foot, in addition to my quietness, was often the cause of much commentary from fellow students), and that caused more "damage" than most "normal" people seem to be aware of. My experiences don't bring up as many outright political/right-to-life issues as those of Katie and her family, but the sanctimonious, handwringing over the "well-being" of the other kids, Helen Lovejoy (of "Won't someone PLEASE think of the children!?!" fame) crap makes me incredibly angry, especially as a disabled person who has faced the ignorant attitudes of people who are not disabled.
Newsflash, folks: We exist, and we have as much right to be on this planet (and in your schools) as you do.
BrownFemiPower, CripChick, and BintAlshamsa have some more perspective on all of this, unlike a fair number of the commenters on the Tribune piece.
A quick sampling of some of the reader responses--unfortunately, copied verbatim from the website, errors and all:
God bless this family.... reminds me that any of my struggles are really nothing in the scheme of things!
THIS STORY JUST MAKE ME SO SICK.! HOW CAN ANYONE ASK ANOTHER HUMAN BEING TO STAND BACK AND WATCH A PERSON DIE?
Just why are they shipping her off to school? I'd want to spend the final time with her. They risk not being there when she dies, and having the poor childs last moments be in a school nurses office. I sympathize with the parents, but disagree with their actions of shipping the kid off to school!!
How dare the SELFISH parents send this child to school KNOWING full well she is putting the school staff, classmates and the entire school in a position of standing idly by and watching a child die without providing any help. This can traumatize the entire school body in the event she dies there. How dare the parents subject the other children, teachers, staff and people at the school to this form of child abuse. The parents need to keep the child AT HOME instead of subjecting others to their SELFISH intents.
So why are they sending this child to school? I don't get it! I'm sure their lives are painful, but what is the point of sending a child that is this handicapped to school, risking that her classmates, teachers, and staff may have to stand around and watch her die. If they want her to have human contact, there are other ways. One of my sister's classmates died in the classroom on the first day of school. 30 years later, it still bothers her. Think of the other children and how this affects them.
If the parents truly cared about children they would keep her at home and keep this as a private family matter instead of making it a public issue and forcing the public school system into fulfilling their barbaric desires at the expense of other children.
There are commenters who are actually tactful and have some knowledge about the issues brought up in the article, but the majority do not.
Speaking as a disabled individual with mild cerebral palsy as one of the things with which I share my body, the reactions on the Tribune website are just more proof that if you think you know about what life with a disability is like, or about people with disabilities, or about the decisions that the families of disabled individuals sometimes must make, even though you do not have a disability yourself, it's more than likely that you have no goddamn idea what you're talking about. (Particularly over the internet, but that's a whole other post!)
Education is a RIGHT in this country. Everyone, no matter what sort of medical issues they may be dealing with, has a right to public education. Perhaps the parents of this child cannot afford in-home care, private tutoring, or other luxuries. Maybe the parents don't want to keep their child isolated from other children--certainly, she *may* die while at school, but what about maintaining some semblance of a life that is not full of doctors, hospitals, and specialists? If young Katie enjoys school, there is no reason that she should not be there--even if it is at the "expense" of the other children.
I'm so tired of hearing about how the mere PRESENCE of disabled individuals--especially children--affects other, presumably "normal" individuals. I heard this reasoning throughout my childhood (in much cruder language, of course; and my CP-afflicted, limping left foot, in addition to my quietness, was often the cause of much commentary from fellow students), and that caused more "damage" than most "normal" people seem to be aware of. My experiences don't bring up as many outright political/right-to-life issues as those of Katie and her family, but the sanctimonious, handwringing over the "well-being" of the other kids, Helen Lovejoy (of "Won't someone PLEASE think of the children!?!" fame) crap makes me incredibly angry, especially as a disabled person who has faced the ignorant attitudes of people who are not disabled.
Newsflash, folks: We exist, and we have as much right to be on this planet (and in your schools) as you do.
BrownFemiPower, CripChick, and BintAlshamsa have some more perspective on all of this, unlike a fair number of the commenters on the Tribune piece.
29 December, 2007
A Ridiculous Situation
Alanis Morissette, who is one of my favorite musicians, will be touring the U.S. this spring. One stop is in the Bay Area, which is rather close to where I live, on March 12th, which is my birthday.
However, on said tour, she is opening for Matchbox 20, which I consider to be one of the worst musical groups of all time. I cannot stand them. I believe they are dull, wholly uninspiring, and somewhat irritating. Hearing the opening chords of any of their songs makes me want to do two things in a very specific order: Cry, and then punch out my eardrums with the nearest sharp object that will fit into the human ear canal. I know some would say the same about Alanis, but at least she didn't record that annoying song with Santana (the one that has been overplayed about 100 million times since its release. In fact, I heard it yesterday while I was out to lunch, and all I could think was, "God, this song makes me livid, simply because it is so bad").
This makes me absolutely bummed. I really don't want to pay through the nose just to see her opening set, but she's quite a performer, and I've never been disappointed by her shows in the past. Does my unwillingness to throw down money for this make any sense? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
However, on said tour, she is opening for Matchbox 20, which I consider to be one of the worst musical groups of all time. I cannot stand them. I believe they are dull, wholly uninspiring, and somewhat irritating. Hearing the opening chords of any of their songs makes me want to do two things in a very specific order: Cry, and then punch out my eardrums with the nearest sharp object that will fit into the human ear canal. I know some would say the same about Alanis, but at least she didn't record that annoying song with Santana (the one that has been overplayed about 100 million times since its release. In fact, I heard it yesterday while I was out to lunch, and all I could think was, "God, this song makes me livid, simply because it is so bad").
This makes me absolutely bummed. I really don't want to pay through the nose just to see her opening set, but she's quite a performer, and I've never been disappointed by her shows in the past. Does my unwillingness to throw down money for this make any sense? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
28 December, 2007
Quick Thoughts on the S.F. Zoo Tiger Mauling
After reading initial reports on the recent San Francisco Zoo tiger mauling that killed one 17 year-old and caused the two other boys that were with him to be injured, I have to wonder: Where does personal responsibility fit into a situation like this?
Certainly, the zoo is responsible for the tiger's enclosure not being quite up to the height standards set by whatever organization sets said standards, but there is something to be said for common (human) sense on the part of visitors to the Zoo. Just because an animal is enclosed does not mean that it lacks the capacity to react to human stupidity.
I'm aware of the old "don't speak ill of the dead" chestnut, but it seems to me that the young men who were injured by this animal should have known better--that taunting a potentially dangerous animal (even if it is enclosed) by throwing sticks and pine cones at it is, at best, completely stupid and perhaps cruel, and at worst, fatal. Additionally, I'm no PETA militant, but how many of us had it implanted into our skulls from an early age that being mean to animals (or other "helpless") creatures is not okay? I can only hope that most of us learned such a lesson early, but perhaps the young men variously killed and injured during the tiger attack were not so lucky. The tiger was simply responding with its natural instinct--which was, presumably, to fight back when confronted.
Here is an interesting article from Newsweek on tiger behavior, in case anyone is interested in that sort of thing.
Certainly, the zoo is responsible for the tiger's enclosure not being quite up to the height standards set by whatever organization sets said standards, but there is something to be said for common (human) sense on the part of visitors to the Zoo. Just because an animal is enclosed does not mean that it lacks the capacity to react to human stupidity.
I'm aware of the old "don't speak ill of the dead" chestnut, but it seems to me that the young men who were injured by this animal should have known better--that taunting a potentially dangerous animal (even if it is enclosed) by throwing sticks and pine cones at it is, at best, completely stupid and perhaps cruel, and at worst, fatal. Additionally, I'm no PETA militant, but how many of us had it implanted into our skulls from an early age that being mean to animals (or other "helpless") creatures is not okay? I can only hope that most of us learned such a lesson early, but perhaps the young men variously killed and injured during the tiger attack were not so lucky. The tiger was simply responding with its natural instinct--which was, presumably, to fight back when confronted.
Here is an interesting article from Newsweek on tiger behavior, in case anyone is interested in that sort of thing.
09 December, 2007
SUNDAY LINKS ROUNDUP!
Stuff that you should read, from around the blogosphere:
--At Feline Formal Shorts, Magniloquence has a fantastic post about continued "escalation," and the continued excusing of racially-motivated incidents as "just jokes."
--Rio reminds us of the harsh realities of foodphobia.
--Rachel of The F Word has an amazing post on the importance of perspective.
--Lauredhel of Hoyden About Town has a very informative (and somewhat terrifying) post on Livejournal's changing ownership yet again.
--Hugo posts on systemic exploitation, in the forms of sex workers' bodies and farm workers' bodies.
--Lindsay considers this year's "THERE'S A WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!11"-esque holiday freakout, which is: Is overweight, cookie-crunching Santa a bad role model for children?
--vesta44 has an incredible post on fashion, femininity, and the matter of "artificiality".
Read 'em.
--At Feline Formal Shorts, Magniloquence has a fantastic post about continued "escalation," and the continued excusing of racially-motivated incidents as "just jokes."
--Rio reminds us of the harsh realities of foodphobia.
--Rachel of The F Word has an amazing post on the importance of perspective.
--Lauredhel of Hoyden About Town has a very informative (and somewhat terrifying) post on Livejournal's changing ownership yet again.
--Hugo posts on systemic exploitation, in the forms of sex workers' bodies and farm workers' bodies.
--Lindsay considers this year's "THERE'S A WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!11"-esque holiday freakout, which is: Is overweight, cookie-crunching Santa a bad role model for children?
--vesta44 has an incredible post on fashion, femininity, and the matter of "artificiality".
Read 'em.
03 December, 2007
Today in Useless Blog Posts Written by AnnaHam
Does anyone else think that this picture of Pat Robertson is rather, well, Applewhite-esque?
IM IN UR FORMUR AWLTURNATIV RELIGINS LOOKIN LIKE UR DED LEADURZ
This post has been brought to you by Shakes, and also the fact that I'm about to work on my thesis, which is ALL ABOUT HEAVEN'S GATE.
Y'all find this so interesting, I know. The good news is that Robertson is retiring! The bad news is that this post was more than a bit pointless.
IM IN UR FORMUR AWLTURNATIV RELIGINS LOOKIN LIKE UR DED LEADURZ
This post has been brought to you by Shakes, and also the fact that I'm about to work on my thesis, which is ALL ABOUT HEAVEN'S GATE.
Y'all find this so interesting, I know. The good news is that Robertson is retiring! The bad news is that this post was more than a bit pointless.
01 December, 2007
The Perils of Being "Stuck" When it Comes to Blogging
I have decided to confess something. I'm posting this with some trepidation--after all, what person enjoys admitting their flaws and/or weaknesses?
I am stuck.
Specifically, I am stuck on what to blog about, and, to a larger extent, what to write about. There are a lot of things that piss me off, that anger me, that make me want to punch those responsible square in the face, but this is not the "What Pisses AnnaHam Off" blog. I could also take the opposite approach and blog about things that I am grateful for, or things that I love to do, but this isn't the "Happy Fun Glurgy Oprah-esque Reflection Time With AnnaHam" blog. Ideally, I would balance the two, but the fact is that [3-4, at most] people read this blog regularly, and in a way, I am still working out my "identity" as a blogger. Oftentimes, I find myself questioning whether or not I actually have the wherewithall or level of awesome-ness to blog at all. Is what I have to say interesting? Does it make people think, or question assumptions that they may have had before reading my posts? Do some who felt misunderstood, marginalized, or alone before feel at least a modicum better after reading something that I have written? I would hope that the answer to all of these questions is somewhat in the affirmative, but despite the mostly positive feedback that I do get, there will always be a wee voice in the back of my mind that constantly screeches NO!
This feeling is extending out into my academic life as well. I have no doubt that I'll be able to come out of being "stuck" with my academic work soon enough, as it is nearing the end of the term, and I almost always go through a phase where being stuck is part of the territory. I've been through it before, I know it's not the most fun thing to go through, and I know I will get through it, but, like any non-fatal human trial, it is hard to realize that you will survive--that you will get out of it--when you're mired in the thick, peanut-buttery consistence of it all. If I had to pick out one "positive" lesson that dealing with ongoing health problems--fibromyalgia and severe depression, specifically--has enlightened me to, it would be just that: I know I'll get through the worst of it, goddammit, but I sure as hell can't see that right now! [Sidenote: This also happens to be the only positive thing about my experiences with chronic health conditions, LOLZ.]
So, my question for EVERYONE who is reading this right now: How do YOU go about getting "unstuck," whether in your writing/blogging life, or in your personal life?
Also, it's World AIDS Day today. Just thought I should point that out.
I am stuck.
Specifically, I am stuck on what to blog about, and, to a larger extent, what to write about. There are a lot of things that piss me off, that anger me, that make me want to punch those responsible square in the face, but this is not the "What Pisses AnnaHam Off" blog. I could also take the opposite approach and blog about things that I am grateful for, or things that I love to do, but this isn't the "Happy Fun Glurgy Oprah-esque Reflection Time With AnnaHam" blog. Ideally, I would balance the two, but the fact is that [3-4, at most] people read this blog regularly, and in a way, I am still working out my "identity" as a blogger. Oftentimes, I find myself questioning whether or not I actually have the wherewithall or level of awesome-ness to blog at all. Is what I have to say interesting? Does it make people think, or question assumptions that they may have had before reading my posts? Do some who felt misunderstood, marginalized, or alone before feel at least a modicum better after reading something that I have written? I would hope that the answer to all of these questions is somewhat in the affirmative, but despite the mostly positive feedback that I do get, there will always be a wee voice in the back of my mind that constantly screeches NO!
This feeling is extending out into my academic life as well. I have no doubt that I'll be able to come out of being "stuck" with my academic work soon enough, as it is nearing the end of the term, and I almost always go through a phase where being stuck is part of the territory. I've been through it before, I know it's not the most fun thing to go through, and I know I will get through it, but, like any non-fatal human trial, it is hard to realize that you will survive--that you will get out of it--when you're mired in the thick, peanut-buttery consistence of it all. If I had to pick out one "positive" lesson that dealing with ongoing health problems--fibromyalgia and severe depression, specifically--has enlightened me to, it would be just that: I know I'll get through the worst of it, goddammit, but I sure as hell can't see that right now! [Sidenote: This also happens to be the only positive thing about my experiences with chronic health conditions, LOLZ.]
So, my question for EVERYONE who is reading this right now: How do YOU go about getting "unstuck," whether in your writing/blogging life, or in your personal life?
Also, it's World AIDS Day today. Just thought I should point that out.
27 November, 2007
And Yet, There Are People Who Find This Sort of Thing Amusing
Dear Persons Who Designed, Manufactured and/or Thought of This Product,
Thank you so much for making me lose just a bit more of my faith in humanity.
Regards,
A Female
09 November, 2007
Never Again Will the Phrase "I Have Nothing to Blog About" Leave My Lips
So, I've been mulling over this for a few days, and I still don't quite know what to think:
It's Tori Amos, live in Chicago at the Vic Theater, performing her song "Me and a Gun." Usually, this song is performed a capella. It is also about sexual assault, and I, along with many fans, consider it to be one of her most powerful compositions. You can take a look at the lyrics here.
The Chicago performance of the song (which had Tori "in character" as one of the members of the Doll Posse, Pip) has angered, confused and divided many of her fans (at least around the internet--where music nerds come to express their opinions and useless knowledge, declare their love for their favorite artists, and start flame wars with each other over whose opinion is correct or incorrect). This is mostly because the song was performed with musical accompaniment, and had Tori, in character, using props--a knife, which she rubbed on herself at different intervals, and a gun, which she pointed to her head and then towards the audience at the end of the song.
Now, let's take a look at some fan reactions from a popular Tori fansite:
after the show, particularly after pip’s set, i felt completely castrated, as a man. the fact that she wore the album cover black tight leather pants was one thing. that she bent over backwards to the audience for an extended amount of time was another. but people, then she played “me and a gun”... with a band. and pulled out a knife. and kept rubbing it all over herself. and then brought out a gun. and pointed it at the audience.
Would anyone like to take a stab (no pun intended!) at deconstructing or commenting upon the bizarre psychoanalytic content or subtext of the above passage?
I didn't think so.
Next, we have a comment from "Jason":
Pip slithered out bad-ass and went into the most intense and aggravated version of Cruel I have ever seen. I first I (sic) thought this was good fun, like the rest of the dolls, but then when she started yelling “you can fuck me, but I’ll rip your cock off,” I knew this was for real. She made me feel really uncomfortable, but there was something exhilarating about it. I had this image of her swinging my dick in her hand laughing, and I was kinda scared.
Dude, do you really want the entire internet to know that? I seriously do not understand the castration anxiety here.
This comment, written by "Sarah," didn't make me roll my eyes like the first two did:
The crowd reaction is telling of how very uncomfortable Rape makes our society. The laughs, often interpreted as a sign of anxiety/discomfort by those working with trauma survivors, from people in the audience only backs up the assertion that MAAG (performed in this way) is very effective and disturbing. Tori made her point, and I have never seen performance art effect an audience in such a visceral way. The very literal, sexual, angry way she chose to portray the act of rape and residual effect startled me. The image of knife as penis and stabbing penetration was so shocking that I first felt assaulted/insulted. The gun and the sense of rage turned on herself and then the audience. Channeling rage into performance art.
Here's a comment from "Noah," who, thankfully, does not bring up castration anxieties/fantasies like a few of those who commented before him:
Me and a Gun recontextualized as Pip killing the rapist was so freaking brilliant; I think what people were freaked out about was the performance had not a hint of irony behind it. She was in the moment and fully committed to the character. It was a brilliant and weird moment of pop/performance art that I’m so honored to have seen live.
Perhaps this performance was meant as a commentary on the eroticization of domination and pain--something that particular media forms in our culture (ie: mainstream pornography) seem to be, for the most part, predicated upon. With that in mind (and I'm just guessing, so my interpretation may be totally false), I do not understand the audience's screaming and catcalling and wooohooo-ing. As "Sarah" commented, maybe they didn't know how to react. In my view, that is a problem.
It's Tori Amos, live in Chicago at the Vic Theater, performing her song "Me and a Gun." Usually, this song is performed a capella. It is also about sexual assault, and I, along with many fans, consider it to be one of her most powerful compositions. You can take a look at the lyrics here.
The Chicago performance of the song (which had Tori "in character" as one of the members of the Doll Posse, Pip) has angered, confused and divided many of her fans (at least around the internet--where music nerds come to express their opinions and useless knowledge, declare their love for their favorite artists, and start flame wars with each other over whose opinion is correct or incorrect). This is mostly because the song was performed with musical accompaniment, and had Tori, in character, using props--a knife, which she rubbed on herself at different intervals, and a gun, which she pointed to her head and then towards the audience at the end of the song.
Now, let's take a look at some fan reactions from a popular Tori fansite:
after the show, particularly after pip’s set, i felt completely castrated, as a man. the fact that she wore the album cover black tight leather pants was one thing. that she bent over backwards to the audience for an extended amount of time was another. but people, then she played “me and a gun”... with a band. and pulled out a knife. and kept rubbing it all over herself. and then brought out a gun. and pointed it at the audience.
Would anyone like to take a stab (no pun intended!) at deconstructing or commenting upon the bizarre psychoanalytic content or subtext of the above passage?
I didn't think so.
Next, we have a comment from "Jason":
Pip slithered out bad-ass and went into the most intense and aggravated version of Cruel I have ever seen. I first I (sic) thought this was good fun, like the rest of the dolls, but then when she started yelling “you can fuck me, but I’ll rip your cock off,” I knew this was for real. She made me feel really uncomfortable, but there was something exhilarating about it. I had this image of her swinging my dick in her hand laughing, and I was kinda scared.
Dude, do you really want the entire internet to know that? I seriously do not understand the castration anxiety here.
This comment, written by "Sarah," didn't make me roll my eyes like the first two did:
The crowd reaction is telling of how very uncomfortable Rape makes our society. The laughs, often interpreted as a sign of anxiety/discomfort by those working with trauma survivors, from people in the audience only backs up the assertion that MAAG (performed in this way) is very effective and disturbing. Tori made her point, and I have never seen performance art effect an audience in such a visceral way. The very literal, sexual, angry way she chose to portray the act of rape and residual effect startled me. The image of knife as penis and stabbing penetration was so shocking that I first felt assaulted/insulted. The gun and the sense of rage turned on herself and then the audience. Channeling rage into performance art.
Here's a comment from "Noah," who, thankfully, does not bring up castration anxieties/fantasies like a few of those who commented before him:
Me and a Gun recontextualized as Pip killing the rapist was so freaking brilliant; I think what people were freaked out about was the performance had not a hint of irony behind it. She was in the moment and fully committed to the character. It was a brilliant and weird moment of pop/performance art that I’m so honored to have seen live.
Perhaps this performance was meant as a commentary on the eroticization of domination and pain--something that particular media forms in our culture (ie: mainstream pornography) seem to be, for the most part, predicated upon. With that in mind (and I'm just guessing, so my interpretation may be totally false), I do not understand the audience's screaming and catcalling and wooohooo-ing. As "Sarah" commented, maybe they didn't know how to react. In my view, that is a problem.
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